The Joyfulicity Podcast
Let's face it - in a world full of pain and troubles, couldn't we all use a little (or a lot) more joy? But how do we find it, keep it and share it? We'll dig in on that and explore it together here, on the Joyfulicity podcast. What is Joyfulicity? It's my made-up word for the art of living happy. I'm your host Laura Wakefield, a single mother of 9, certified midlife discovery life coach, writer, travel host and yoga and beach lover. Dedicated to helping others discover and maintain greater peace and personal empowerment. Dare to Dream - Plan to Play - Live to Learn. Here's to living life with a smile.
The Joyfulicity Podcast
John Calabrese - Dance Dad, Caregiver, and Ultramarathon Adventurer
My special guest this week is John Calabrese - dance dad, caregiver, and ultramarathon adventurer.
John has such an infectiously positive personality. I know you'll enjoy getting to know him and be inspired by his dedication. Not many people do 100 mile races like they are no big deal.
Tune in to meet John, and follow him on Instagram: / breezytrailhead
Please like and subscribe here, and also visit my links page to see all of the other places we can connect. This is the hub for more information on my website, my coaching program, the podcast, social media and to subscribe to my newsletter. Hope to see you there soon! https://www.joyfulicity.com/links
Welcome to the Joy Felicity Podcast. I'm your host, Laura Wakefield. My guest today is John Calabriese. He goes by Breezy Trailhead on Instagram, which is where I met him. And his intro calls him a dance dad, caregiver, wannabe competitive eater, and part-time adventurer. And of course, you know I'm all about adventure. So that really appealed to me, and I've been really looking forward to talking more with him all over his Instagram. His main passion seems to be running. So welcome, John. I'm going to start out by asking you about running, and then we'll see where it goes from there.
SPEAKER_03:Hello, hello.
SPEAKER_02:Welcome, welcome. So, how did you get into running and specifically ultra running, the ultra-marathoning and some of the big time events? Tell me about that.
SPEAKER_00:Pretty much by accident. I think so, like all kids, I loved sports when I was a kid. Didn't necessarily like running. I liked, you know, other sports. And I always looked at running as kind of like something cool that I could do, but uh just a component of like football or baseball or stuff like that. I never really liked running. Right. So um, yeah, in the military, they make you do like a physical readiness test. And uh I trained a little bit, uh, not as much as I should have, but I was just like, you know, I was just like kind of naturally good at running always. I mean, I'm not, don't get me wrong, I'm not like an elite athlete or anything, but I always just was like naturally, you know, able to do it. And uh yeah, so like I trained a little bit when I was in the military and that planted the seed. So when I got out and started experiencing um a lot of like real life issues and stuff like that, I I was like, you know what? I'm gonna run a marathon. And then like I just kind of it kind of went from there. I was like, that's it. And I just, you know, I want more. I need more. I'm a broken dude. I need more, I need more running. So uh yeah, I I look at it, it's weird. I mean, like um, I look at it more of like a supplement just a little, you know, for me, just to kind of like um, yeah, just to live a better life. And just to it kind of makes me feel like when I was that kid, you know, like it makes me feel like me instead of like that broken dude that uh stumbled through life up to now.
SPEAKER_02:I know it sounds bad, but so the accomplishment of the goals just resonates with you in size.
SPEAKER_00:It it's weird too, because like I mean, so there like I said, I'm not an elite elite athlete, but I've done some like faster times, but even when like I do really good, I'm just like, okay, next one. You know, like I don't really I don't really like sit in the car, like you know, think about accomplishments. I just you know on to the next adventure because it just makes me feel happy, you know. Like I don't take the time and think of past performances too much, just want to go just want to move forward. And again, it keeps balancing me out. It's nice.
SPEAKER_02:That's fun. What's the longest race you've ever done?
SPEAKER_00:Oh well. Uh so um this is interesting. So I I'd like to see how far I could go. Mainly I have time time time constraints, as you mentioned earlier, I'm a dance dad and I have a kid and uh obligation, adult stuff, you know. So like um I can't spend yeah, I can't be out here in the fenster world always. So um mainly what I do is like a hundred miles, a hundred milers, because I can fit those in like in a weekend. Um, well, I mean, like, yeah, I I know it sounds like a lot, but for like, you know, if you've been doing it for a while, it's stuff, it's um it fits nicely into a weekend. You have people helping you out, cool community, really encouraging. Um, yeah, it's just more like it's like a weird vacation. I mean, you get you sort out a lot of weird thoughts that you had throughout the week and stuff like that. Yeah, you just get a lot. If you can't, I mean for me, like I feel like if I can't sort out, you know, issues going on in the course of 100 miles, you know, I like uh they're they're too big. But like that's why I I guess that's why though I keep doing it because I that's just you know, I once I get away from it again, I'm just like, okay, I got more stuff I gotta think about. So do you listen to music or anything, or do you just think while you're so you I used to when I first started, I would just like blast like 80s metal and stuff like that, and just like that's the now you're speaking my language there. Well, but after a while I was just like, you know what? I'm kind of a little bit more screwed up than that. I need to just listen to my own thoughts and like kind of understand myself. So like I started doing that. And uh there's sometimes I do like listening to music. Like if sometimes I need it, but like um I like you know listening to podcasts. But uh for the most part, I just like to um listen, you know, just not be talking constantly and just actually like listen to things going on around me. And I like hearing my surroundings too, like if there's like a car or something, or just like some guy trying to hurt me. I don't know.
SPEAKER_02:It's good to know what's around you. It is a safety thing.
SPEAKER_00:Safety first, yes, yeah, safety first.
SPEAKER_02:But I would think for a hundred miles, that would be a whole lot of head space to fill.
SPEAKER_00:So I'll tell you this. Um, I've had some races where uh oh, I mean, it gets it gets intense, like if you get too far in your head. Like uh there's a race called the Wild Oak Trail 100. I haven't been able to finish it because every time I do it, it's like at a weird time of the year, too. So like it's in uh, I think it's October. I haven't done it for a couple years because the last time I did it, um, I camped in my car and I was like the backseat of my car. I had my daughter's blanket. So and like I smelled her. I was thinking of her. So already off the bat, I was like homesick and I missed her. And then like a lot of those times, if you just take that stuff on the trail with you, going 100 miles, especially on like a low-key race, there's not that many people. I mean, you're not gonna last long. I mean, it's just that's just how it is. You've got too many, you have to go, it's weird. It's like you have to go in with like a pure heart, and it's it's kind of hard to do that sometimes. How you know you know, we're all we've all got our baggage, we all got our issues, and you know, it's tough. And sometimes it's hard for me to sort that stuff out. I'd say more times when I don't finish race, it's not because like I physically can't do it, but mentally, I just, you know, there's too much going on up there.
SPEAKER_02:You know, it's interesting that you say that because I have found that a lot of big goals, but running in particular is something that's always eluded me. My father was a marathoner, my son is an Iron Man, you know, they're way into it, but running has always been hard for me. But I think that's part of it. I I think a lot of it is mental.
SPEAKER_00:It is. It's 100%. I mean, uh, yeah, I I for me, I I've I there's been a lot, like I said, there's a lot of races that I've done. I I I know I've had the like the physical abilities to do it. Again, I know I've said this like five times. I'm I'm not like a great runner or anything, but like I've always just been able to like finish stuff like that. But um, for like the longer races, yeah. I mean, like if there, you know, especially stuff with my daughter and just missing family, like I just feel like that's another thing too. That it's a selfish sport doing these altars. I mean, like, I love doing it, but at the same time, like, you know, you have to really cut into like sleep, obligations, family. It's it's a selfish sport. I mean, I wish it was easier to balance like the training and the time for the you know, 100 milers and stuff like that. Because I like I said, it brings me closer to the time when I was like a kid, I feel I feel like literally like I'm a kid, like before any like dark days or just like dealings with like, you know, you know, alcohol, stuff that kind of I feel like steals your soul, you know, makes me a different person. Before all that, you know, I feel like you know, it brings me that back to that. But it kind of thinks that you have to compromise, you know, time with family and stuff like that to be out there on your own. It makes me feel bad. I feel like, you know, oh I'm such I'm such a shitbag being out here when my daughter's there and stuff like that. You know, I it just eats me up sometimes. So like, yeah, again, yeah, that that's to me, that's the hard that's the hardest part of the sport right there.
SPEAKER_02:Well, you know, you shared with me before we got on camera that part of your journey into running was healing from alcohol and some different problems like that. And I'm gonna ask you a little bit about that and kind of challenge what you said about it being selfish, though, because if it's helping you to keep those kinds of things at bay, I think that's the greatest gift you can give your daughter and your family. Can you tell me a little bit about how why that's been helpful for you in kind of overcoming some of those demons?
SPEAKER_00:So basically, um I quit drinking without running initially, you know, like um I guess you could call me like a dry drunk or whatever. I mean, like I just I was just, you know, um, I I was able to do it, but it was it was from, you know, I I had DUIs and stuff like that. So basically, like I I had a lot of demons after the military. So um basically, if somebody forced you to quit drinking, I you're still, you know, an alcoholic in my opinion. At least I know I was. Like, um, so yeah, I mean, you could make the case that I've just substituted writing for that. And, you know, that's not necessarily a bad thing, but I think that uh for me, you know, um it does make me feel like bad, it does make me feel better and makes me feel, you know, it makes me feel it. I think it does kind of like fix me in ways, but at the same time, like I feel bad personally that, you know, like I have to do a sport that it takes me away from you know my daughter. I feel so this is such a weird conversation. Like, I'm like, I love running, you know, but like I, you know, uh people tell me all the time, too, they're like, you know, this is something that, you know, you need your time. You can't be with your daughter all the time. You know, she does her own sports and stuff like that. That's just me though. Like, I love my daughter, I love my family. And like, yeah, I I mean, like, I think that I just feel bad at times being out there, you know, like, you know, in the woods. I mean, and those things are gonna creep up. If you if you don't see people for a couple hours, I mean you're gonna get some dark thoughts. It might be about that or something else, you know. But like, I yeah, I do feel selfish at times to doing the sport that I love. And that's that kind of sucks, you know. I mean, it's tough. It's those are really tough thoughts.
SPEAKER_02:You know, that's the real talk. And I appreciate you being really candid about that because whether it's running or any other kind of goals, I think a lot of us battle those questions of am I allowed to do this thing just for me if it's taking me away from my family? And and that's something that I've battled with is those kinds of questions. And I really have come to understand though that the person that I am without some passion projects in my life is not a super happy, grounded person. And I would rather take that time away sometimes, and then when I am present, be more grounded and more peaceful, and you know what I mean, bring that attitude and energy into those relationships. And it would be, I guess, great if we could do that without anything, but I don't think there's many people that can. You know, I think we need those things uh in our life that light us up.
SPEAKER_00:I'm I'm kind of scared, like it to uh to just like let go or even like kind of do it like less than I do with running. It yeah, am I still the same person? Am I is it gonna change me? Like um part of me really wants to just mainly like this, you know, every year, like you know, runners pick the races and stuff like that for the next year. For a lot of these, you have to plan a year in advance just for registration purposes, budgeting. Um, there's a lot of reasons to get in certain races. It's really hard to actually get into certain races. You you know, they're very not I wanna say picky, but they're there's a lot of people that want to get in certain races. So you have to plan like pretty far out ahead. But yeah, like what I want to do in 2024, I almost said 2014, oh my gosh. But like I would like to do, yeah, I'm going back in time here, but uh what I'd like to do is just, you know, I do want to come back a little bit for off it and like volunteer more and help other people achieve goals. Because I think that would make me feel happiness also seeing other people achieve goals. And then, you know, I can balance more family time, but it's scary, yeah. I don't am I, am I what how how am I gonna become because like ever since I found this, you know, wonderful sport, I'm I've been like pretty, I think it's pretty it's it has saved me in many, in many ways. Like, but it's terrifying thinking about letting you know, letting off the gas a little bit, you know. I think a lot of people deal with that. They're like, you know, once you get locked in, you're just like, I don't keep gotta keep this going, you know. So yeah, I but I'm really I really hope that you know seeing other people accomplish goals and just you know helping the community larger, like you know, helping put out on races and stuff like that, um, helping volunteer. You know, I I really one thing about again, I mentioned it kind of briefly. I love the community. I love seeing people out there on the trails. It's just such a positive vibe. That's what drew me to the sport, even more than like the challenges and stuff like that. I love the people. I mean, they're so cool. Again, it kind of like it's almost like I as an adult, I never really hung out with like large groups of people. I was just kind of like alone and quiet. But like in the trail community is cool. You're you're with a bunch of people on the trail. You can talk about whatever you want to talk about. And then, like, you know, I feel like this might even be cooler for me because like, you know, if I'm working in an aid station or something, I'll see a bunch of people come in. I can make them laugh, make them happy. That you know, that that might do the trick also. So yeah, I mean, yeah, I I want to kind of like change a little bit, but I am scared.
unknown:Definitely.
SPEAKER_02:Well, I feel like all the experience that you had would make you so well suited to kind of coaching other people through that or just being, like you said, at the aid stations, encouraging them because you know exactly how they feel.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Like when someone's coming up on like the 75 mile mark, you know what that feels like. I don't know what that feels like. I don't think I ever want to know what that feels like.
SPEAKER_00:Well, yeah, and that's a that's a funny thing too. Like I do know exactly and I won't have to feel like that either. So that's a that's a great thing. Yeah. So I I don't have to do that, but I can see it in others. I can help them through it. And yeah, I don't have to be doing it.
SPEAKER_02:Exactly. Well, speaking of goals, you were telling me that your daughter has kind of a big challenge coming up here.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. So like she's kind of like an ultra runner too when it comes to these challenges. So her school, um, her PE teacher is an awesome guy, Mr. Fletcher. He does these challenges for uh for the kids in PE. Um, you know, they do like the have you ever heard of the Pacer test in school? Yeah. Yeah. So they do that one. She did really, my daughter did really good in that one, but um, they also do like a wall set and like these kids are doing them for like hours. But this weekend she has like uh, or sorry, this weekend, this week on Friday, she has a hula hoop competition. And Mr. Fletcher's really cool because he, you know, he likes to, you know, he gets you know approval from parents and stuff. Uh he records the kids. So if there's a world record, he encourages the kids to do it, you know, to go for to go for a world record, basically. And I think that's really cool because I think a lot of kids need like to know like what the best is. You know, so I think a lot of you know, I think there's a lot of kids that set up for mediocrity, but if you like, you know, in these types of situations, I I think it's really cool to see kids push themselves like that. And I don't, I'm not, I don't soup, I don't try to like super, you know, kind of like push my daughter into doing stuff like that. But um, you know, I I encourage her to do sports and the things she loves. So I mean, I really like this beauty teacher. I think he's a really awesome guy.
SPEAKER_02:I think sports and physical activity for kids is is something that's be that's getting lost. Like it used to be such a natural part of childhood, but now everything's online and virtual. It's kind of something I'm concerned about. So I love teachers like that that really encourage kids to stay active and it's and I think it's a weird thing.
SPEAKER_00:I I think it's also a weird thing too. I mean, like in some capacity, yeah, I do see a lot of kids online, but then like so when my daughter did soccer, I mean, it was uber competitive. Like to the point where like some of these kids at like five had like, you know, um like trainers and stuff like that. Like people like coaching was like yeah. I I was just I I I would I didn't tell them I I I didn't push my daughter to get out of soccer, but at the same time, like when she wanted to stop doing it and pursue dance and other sports, I was like, yes, thank you. Thank you. I don't because like it was just like uber competitive. Like, why is this kid why does a five-year-old have a trainer? Like they're like there's like tracks for them already at five, like to like do things like certain things. I I think that's wild, but like you mentioned though, too. I there's like not it's like weird. Like there's a lot of kids that just don't do sports, they just do it the online stuff. But then yeah, the kids that are in sports, like certain sports like soccer, it's just so I can't believe how competitive it is. It's just wild.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, sometimes I have seen that. I I coached Pee-Wee soccer a couple times. That's about the extent of my coaching ability with soccer, but I can herd the kids to keep going one direction that that I can do. But there were some parents that were pretty intense, and I think that both come from the parents because most kids just that that age just want to have fun. Yeah, they just want to have a good time. And and I really, as a coach, felt like that was the purpose at that age was to just instill in them a love for sports. Worry about the competitive part when they're older. They'll figure they'll figure that out.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, four, four and five. Yeah, exactly. You just want them to have fun. Like, so like my daughter's done some races, like she's done like, you know, like you know, the kid races like the half mile, mile, and she's done a couple 5Ks, but like uh when I'll run with her and I'll bring like I don't let her eat candy often, like special occasions and stuff, but when she runs, I'll bring candy for her. So like um, yeah, we just have fun with it. We'll go as fast as she wants. If she wants to go fast, we'll go fast. But um, yeah, I'm not like one of those parents that's like you have to do that seven-minute mile, blah, blah, blah. But I just I see him out there, and that's just wild to me that you're gonna push your kid that hard. I mean, like, I I wouldn't, I'm not gonna knock it because I mean if your kid wants to do it, cool, but I would never force my daughter into like doing paces and stuff like that that she doesn't want to do. And same with soccer. And I'm not gonna force her to do certain sports. Like, I would love for her to do cross country. Oh my gosh, I would love to watch her do that because like I never so going back to like you know, when I was growing up, I I I was a terrible student. I was a partier, and like, you know, again, going into the military, I just thought that was gonna change me. And that's never the case. Don't think that's don't ever think something's gonna change you. But um, like with my daughter, like, you know, like I if she did do cross country, I would, I mean, she would basically get to do something I that I didn't get to do. So of course I'm gonna want her to do that, but I would never, you know, force on her. She loves dance, she loves her sports. So like I'd always tell her, you know, whatever, whatever she finds in her heart to be your favorite, that's the one to go with. But I really would like to see her do cross country because I didn't get to do it.
SPEAKER_02:I was not gonna You seem like an amazing dad and just really gonna encourage her to find her own way and support her along the way no matter what she chooses to do. And that's what that's what kids need, I think, more than anything else, is just wings and somebody there to just cheer them on, you know, while they figure out who they are and what they want to do with their life. But she will have amazing memories of running with you.
SPEAKER_00:Those are my honestly, those are my favorite runs. And you know, like uh, yeah, I you know, running mainly the five gays. Whenever I read five gays with her, it was just so much fun. At the end, too, like, so it's almost like running an Ultra. The first mile she goes like fast out the gate, and then like she kind of slows down mile two, like, oh, what have I done? And that's when I start giving her the candy. But then, like, once she starts sniffing out the finish line, she's like, and you know, I'm like, Jillian, I'm gonna race you. And she's like, No, you're not. I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna race you. And then, like, yeah, and then like I'll take off. I you know, um, but don't tell her that. Don't oh, I didn't hear that.
SPEAKER_02:Say that again.
SPEAKER_00:I said, I let her win. Oh but like she's always like, I'm like, no, you beat me. But like I I'll push her, I'll get her to go like really fast. You know, I'll I'll be running with her. I'll go a little bit further faster. It's like those are like on my deathbed, those will be my my fondest memories. Like just running with her and pushing her like that, and having her, you know, try to you know run her heart out to try to beat me. Those are those are great memories that you know I cherish.
SPEAKER_02:As she gets older, she'll know you did, but she'll love that you didn't.
SPEAKER_00:I'll deny it. It's unless you listens to this podcast. I'll tell her, I won't I won't ever tell her. I'm not gonna tell her. Well, even then, I'll be like, yeah, that didn't happen.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, I've So I love that you call these runs all over your page adventures. Yeah. Like you rarely say it's a race, you say it's an adventure. Where did that start for you? Like, is that significant to you?
SPEAKER_00:For me, I mean, this is weird. So, like, there's some races I try to race and go fast, but for the most part, I mean, like, if I don't want to run fast, I mean, like some people would probably call me a loser for saying it, but yeah, I mean, like, I'm not gonna run fast if I don't want to. I'll I just like completing like really hard races. And that's I think that's what brought me to doing the ultras over like, you know, running marathons. Because like with marathons, you want to go for a lot of people, they got that type A mentality where you want to go as fast as you can. But um, I like the ultras because it's more like everyone's just trying to finish. And like, you know, an elite, yeah, an elite runner might just drop out at 70 or 50 or whatever because you know they're having issues. You know, it I it's more of a level playing field. But then also, I mean, like most of the field, just they they all know just finishing is awesome because like you're going over yeah, technical terrain, you know, like you know, you're sleep, you're battling sleep deprivation. There's all kinds of issues on the altar that you deal with, especially the harder ones too. So like that's what drew me to the sport. And then because of that, also, there's like so much more camaraderie. You're like, we're in this together. We hate this course, you know. Like we're we're we're we're at, I feel like it's like almost like a team, even though we're competing technically, we're competing against each other. I mean, like, you don't see people like like, you know, okay, there's a finish line, I'm gonna sprint after you, like me how me and my daughter do just messy around. Like, uh, you don't see that. Like a lot of times if I run with somebody, like majority of the race or whatever, I'm like, here you go ahead, you finish, you finish ahead of me. I love talking to you. Thank you. Like, you know, it's just like it's just such a cool community. Like, and you know, there's a lot of stuff now, like um a lot of corporations and stuff are getting into altars. I hope we keep that. That's again, that's why I got into the sport. You know, I hope it doesn't turn into like, you know, more like these like really competitive marathons. Don't get me wrong, I love marathon running too. And there's sometimes I want to run fast, but I think there's something really pure about the ultra is that you can have that camaraderie with your friends. And everyone's your friends, they're not your competitor, you know, it's cool.
SPEAKER_02:I love that because I think that there's different ways to do almost anything. And so for some people, the big motivator is going to be winning or achieving a particular time or whatever it is, and maybe that you know works for them and they're excited about it. But I love that you're presenting kind of another way to do it, which is more just for the immersion of the experience and the camera because that will appeal to other personalities that maybe would have avoided this for fear that if I'm not the fastest, I shouldn't bother doing it. But maybe you can just go experience it and make friends and enjoy the adventure in the woods for a hundred miles. Well, I think that's wrap my mind around that.
SPEAKER_00:I I think that's the shame of like the whole like um about like everything, you know, with running and stuff like that. I think that there are a lot of people that are just, you know, they might be hesitant to do it because they think they have to be fast or they think they have to, you know, I have to like fit, it's gonna be hard for me to fit in. And it's not, I mean, you know, like it's like one of the most accepting communities I've ever been in my whole life. That's why I'm there. I mean, I'm I'm an outcast basically. And for me to be able to, yeah, this is like your testimonial. If you're listening to this podcast, if I can fit in the ultra-redding community, you can't, you can't do it.
SPEAKER_02:Anybody can.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I mean, there's a spot for you, you know.
SPEAKER_02:I love that. I love that. So, what would you say to somebody that was kind of curious about trying something like that, but was a little a little bit nervous, you know. Like for me, ultra, I just don't see myself ever doing that. I can't even get through a 10K. So, but for people that maybe have, you know, gotten to half marathon, they're just curious about the idea. Where do you start training for something of that magnitude?
SPEAKER_00:Well, I look at it this way. This is gonna sound funny, but like if you could run six miles, you could do it ultra. I mean again, the no, seriously. You the the main thing is just you know, being able, I mean, I'm I am stubborn. I mean, like, you know, just I like to complete stuff like that. And I like to talk to friends. I mean, we like you should hear the stuff that's out there. A lot of it is just like it's just you know, just people bonding together, talking about just like the most random things, like movies, music, food. We talk, oh my gosh, we talk so runners are like the worst. Like we talk about so much, just like you know, yeah, and eating Pop Tarts and just like random. Like everyone's like, oh, you must eat so healthy. No, dude, not at all. I'm I probably eat worse than anybody. But like, yeah, like yeah, it's just a fun community. And like I think that um, you know, the cool thing about the ultra community also is just like the like the groups and the clubs. I uh anybody that wants to get involved, dude, just you know, you don't have to run an ultra right away. Just you know, run go on some group runs and just you know meet people in the community and then talk to them. Like that's that's the thing I like the most about is just like again, the people and talking about like what people are, you know, what kind of races are you doing, what kind of like adventures are you doing? Like there's a lot of people that don't even like run like like uh like you know races, they just do self-supported stuff, you know, with friends, you know, going certain routes and stuff like that on their own, or just you know, it's kind of just like hiking. It's almost it's the the the dirty secret of alter running, it's almost it's that and hiking are almost the same thing. Let's just be honest. I mean, the paces are similar in ways. I mean, like you're cut you're covering like a lot of climbing and stuff like that, going over mountains or going over like steep technical terrain. It's a lot like hiking. There's a lot of hiking involved with some running when it's possible. So I mean, like it's it really shouldn't be that intimidating of a sport. It's fun. You know, a lot of it is just having fun. So yeah, that I mean, there's no intimidation with the sport, in my opinion. I mean, it's just meeting the people. It's just, you know, it's just getting involved. That's I think that's the hardest barrier. Like for me, I was so dumb. Like, I had I had this, I had this like pre preconceived notion that like in order to join like a running club, I had to have like a resume and a background and like I would do some marathons. It's no, you don't need to do any of that stuff, man.
SPEAKER_02:Just go ahead and feel intimidating though. If you've not been part of the running club, you think, well, will they let me in? Or yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Well, like it's like as an adult, I think we're just like this is how I was like, I was just scared to be around like large groups of people. And this was even before COVID. Like, I was just like, you know, used to being kind of alone and like sheltered and stuff like that. So like, yeah, I think like we just have these preconceived notices in order to belong with other people, like you have to have like, I have to be qualified, or is it something dumb like that? You know, I have to be qualified to run with these people. You don't need to do that. Everyone, you know, you're you're a human. That's all that matters. You can come out of here.
SPEAKER_02:That's good to know because that that's something that I would think too. Oh gosh, I have no business in a running club. I can't, you know, do those kinds of things.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, there's a report.
SPEAKER_02:I know my father, that's how he got into running, actually. He was uh he was single in his 40s, and it was a social thing for him at first. And then he just caught the bug and he got kind of addicted to it and and went on to run multiple marathons. I don't think he ever did an ultra, but he enjoyed that. I read a book called Ultra Marathon Man. I'm sure you've probably read that. I can't remember who the author was, Dean Dean.
SPEAKER_00:Dean Dean Carnassus.
SPEAKER_02:Dean, yes, and I just thought, this is crazy that this guy, I loved the book. It was very inspirational. So I would recommend it to anybody that's listening, Ultra Marathon Man. But he was a little insane, you know, and he acknowledges that. But it was after that that my son got into it and I started looking into it and realized that it wasn't just him. Like I thought it was this extremely niched down thing, which it is, but there's a surprisingly large network of people who are doing this.
SPEAKER_00:It's weird. It is, it is small, but like um because it so yeah, there's a lot of people getting into it and doing it, but it is still small. Like, so Dean, I did a race that he was at this year. I mean, like, I always thought, like, you know, I knew he was like famous and stuff like that. I I'm I've never read his books or anything like that, but like, you know, I always just like, oh, you know, he's like big time. He's you know, he's he probably doesn't care about little runners and stuff like that, like me. But like he is that guy is such a cool dude. So I went to I did yeah, I did Rabbid Raccoon 100 in Pennsylvania. Unfortunately, um, my girlfriend and I, we didn't finish. We had some issues and we had to drop out early. Um, but yeah, he was there and uh he was running it also, and he he's an awesome guy. Like he's like a down-to-earth dude. Like, so like any kind of preconceived notions I had about him, I I felt like I felt really bad because like I was like, this guy's a really cool dude. He's just like anybody else out there, and kind of like, you know, it's kind of like the sport, and that you know, that's just kind of the sport. Like those are the people you see out there. It doesn't matter how famous somebody is or how, you know how you know the little lack of fame somebody has, you know, everyone's everyone is like the same out there. I think it's really cool. And um, yeah, even if you're like an elite runner, you know, we're all running together. Uh again, it's more all of us versus the course. Yeah, some people are racing out there and stuff like that, but for the most part, the elites are down to earth too. Like if you like say if you say hi to an elite runner, they're gonna say hi back, and there'll probably be some conversations if you catch up to somebody like that, or you know, you're around somebody at the eight station. You know, I've never had a bad experience with a runner out there. I mean, like, granted, again, there are a lot more competitive runners like coming over from like marathons and stuff like that into ultras, and there's more like it's starting to become more corporate, you know, less grassroots in ways. I mean, there's still a lot of grassroots races and stuff like that. But even with all that, I mean, I feel like we're still like a really cool community. Like, you know, you got Dean out there hanging out. Yeah, he's uh there's just so many cool people out there. It's just you wouldn't see it in other sports. It's it's kind of like its own thing. I think that's why you know people in the sport really enjoy it and love it.
SPEAKER_02:Well, I think it's such kind of a far out thing to do that's so different than like most people would say, 100 miles. Heck no, I'm not doing that. You know, so I think it takes kind of the right personality. And just the fact that you're both there kind of bonds you immediately, I would think, because you're obviously a like-minded soul.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Even be participating in something like that to start with.
SPEAKER_00:It's so weird how you get yourself into it too. Like, yeah, I've asked myself a couple of times, like on certain races, I'm just like, how did I even get here doing this? Like, I just like I still don't even understand it. But yeah, but you're there and like, you know, you got your friends out there, and like again, it's so weird too, because like once you've done like a lot of races, you you just know everybody in the community very much. Even like people that are like famous and stuff like that. Like, you know, they uh again, they they're you know, they're just like again, they're just like you. They're they're super cool, they want to do races like you. They want to, you know, everyone's got like common you know goals, and you know, they want to do their certain races. It's just it's such a like minded and fun community.
SPEAKER_02:Well, I'll tell you something about that book, Ultramarathon Man. It had a huge impact on me. And as I said, I'm not a runner. That's not been something I've tried to be a runner. I wanted to take after my father and be a runner. It just me and running. Just don't understand each other. So, but I have other things that I really get into. You know, I love to hike. So maybe I'd be better at ultra marathons than regular ones, but yeah, who knows? That would be a crazy twist of fate for me to get into that. But but his book still deeply inspired me because what it was really about underneath all of that, the running, it was about the running. But what it was really about was kind of what you've talked about was overcoming personal challenges and demons, because he had quite a lot that he talks about in the book. Um that he just uh kind of uh found running to be an escape and a and a cu a cure of sorts or just an outlet for him for those things. And the accomplishment of the goals ended up impacting him in other areas of his life, and it was a life-changing thing to throw himself into this kind of extreme thing and to realize he could accomplish it. And that's the part that stuck with me in my life, and I was able to transfer all of those ideas into other stuff too. That just because something seems impossible, if you have enough heart for it and enough desire for it, and enough what do I want to say, stick toitiveness. Because that's sometimes what it takes, is just getting started and just going for it and doing it in the first place, you can accomplish things that you never would have thought you could.
SPEAKER_00:Well, going back to like my daughter in the hula hoop contest, maybe what you know will make me feel better about sometimes when I do get those you know feelings that I am being selfish with the sport, maybe I can tell myself that you know, her seeing me accomplish those races, you know, that will help you know her learn to do hard things. And also like, you know, when she's doing the hula hoop contest, she'll be like, you know, my dad ran a hundred miles. I can do this, I I can get this world record. Or like, you know, like I think that, you know, even though, yeah, it is kind of, it can be excessive doing that kind of stuff. I think it does like people, not it doesn't even have to be like a family member, like, you know, your daughter or whatever, you know, just you know, people that know you in the community, like, wow, he did this. I I can do this, or I can like go swimming, or I can do something that I like to do that works for me. And you know, hopefully that, you know, hopefully we can all inspire each other better. And you know, as a community, you know, as a large community, you know, midweek, you know, people need goals. I I feel like that's the main thing. Like, you know, we you need a goal to have a good life and to be happy. And without that, you just, you know, you lose your soul.
SPEAKER_02:Absolutely. And I will tell you, as a as a daughter who grew up watching her father running marathons and standing at the finish line and hearing about his races, it had a huge impact on me. It really I was so proud of him first of all, but just seeing him accomplish those things, especially since he didn't really start running until he was in his 40s. Um, so it wasn't something that was always part of his identity. And he had a rough go at first getting started in it. It didn't come easily to him for a long time. And but then he just accomplished these things. I was very proud, and that had a huge impact on me in my life and on my children now, as they've heard their grandfather's marathon stories. One of my sons wears a bunch of my dad's old marathon t-shirts from those are the best. Yeah, and it's so sweet to see that connection. So, you know, just if any fears you have that that's selfish, allow yourself to put those aside because these will be memories. Now, there were times when I was like, why are why do we have to do this on Saturday when I was 10? You know, when I was 10, I would grumble occasionally. But but now I'm looking back and I'm just so I love those memories with my dad.
SPEAKER_00:I hope that's how it does. Because yeah, I do get that vibe like, oh, you do he's doing another hundred. Oh my gosh. I mean, and I get it. I'm like, yeah, that this is valid. I understand. Daddy needs to do 100. But yeah, um, yeah, I mean, I'm I'm hoping, yeah, eventually, like, you know, again, I don't want to push her, but I would love to do like our our big race, you know, our one of our big races here, uh, you know, in the Virginia, Northern Virginia area is the Marine Corps Marathon. Like, I she helped crew me when I was pushing a buddy for Ainsley's Angels on a wheelchair on the race. She helped uh yeah, she helped me on that in 2019. It was and it was pouring down rain. Like I thought that she was, yeah, I was like, oh my gosh. Because like my um my friend was watching her, like she was taking her to like the eight stations that I was gonna be at. Because, like, you know, in case my rider needed anything or I need anything, we were, you know, meeting up at different spots. So, like, she at the time when that she was five, she was five years old when we did that race together. So she, you know, she's got the she's seen the whole Marine Corps marathon. I would love to be able to race that with her or like you know, do the 10K or something like that. And, you know, COVID, you know, that did kind of mess up a lot of like plans that me and her had together. So like she's locked in the dance now. So I'm not gonna like, again, it it's it's complicated because I I think sports with a lot of kids are complicated because of COVID, unfortunately. But um, yeah, I'm hoping that, you know, like she's got a great PE teacher right now with Mr. Fletcher. And I think that like, you know, I think a lot of stuff's gonna come together for her in terms of like, you know, not you know, I I think you know, with dance and everything's going great for her right now, but you know, I think that she's gonna, you know, I think a lot, I think she's gonna get into a lot more. But you know, it was unfortunate that, you know, COVID. And then also, like, oh my gosh, she was riding horses, but a data center opened up at her uh uh it opened up at where her equest equestrian center was. So we've had like a lot of challenges here with her, like in certain sports and stuff like that.
SPEAKER_02:So I'm hoping that uh, you know, we have better times at so talk to me about the wall. Because every runner, whether you're like me, where the wall hits you at about half a mile, or like others, maybe at mile 75, I think almost everybody has hit that wall where you just feel like I can't anymore. I my body isn't going to keep how do you get past that? Because even the runners that finish, like I said to my son one time, I said, No, no, no, I I've hit the wall, I can't. He goes, Mom, everybody hits the wall, you just keep going. So what? And he goes, if you get past it, then you're fine. And how do you get past it? How what do you do when you hit that wall?
SPEAKER_00:I so I think with ultras, uh I so I this is gonna, I'm not trying to toot my own horn. I I I used to get hit that really bad at times, but I'm like really silly. Like I can snap out of it just by being like, you know, I I try to tell like when it comes to races, I tend to like go with like the goofier people. I think I probably like learned a lot of tricks from other goofy people that I've like uh you know met at races. But uh uh it's interesting you say this. So like um I've had a lot of success that this year with not like bonk. We we call it bonk. Well, I call it bonking out. Like the the you know, um that's like when you're you know, you hit the wall or whatever. That's another term for it. But like uh yeah, like uh I I haven't really like hit it too bad. But again, like when I do ultras, I don't go super fast. Like I don't like get to my I don't I don't go like crazy fast on races and stuff like that. But um I'm doing the JFK 50 this weekend, and I was wondering, I was like, what if I do hit that? But like I'm I'm so goofy that like you know, like I'll just laugh myself out of it. Or like the cool thing with ultras again is like you know, you can drink soda on a race. You know, they have stuff like that out there. They have red velvet cake, they have what yeah, JF JFK is crazy. So like they make their own cookies on this race. This is how much they love the race. They like there's people that make their own JFK cookies, and like there's just all kinds of love out there. I think for me, that's kind of why I like ultras. Like, you know, I'd say more like I'm able to self-motivate out of that hole. Or, you know, it and then also like seeing people out there ringing the bells, you know, like hey, take this Coca-Cola. Like, I just feel like I'm it's just such a cool and you know, um motivated like community. Like I can just like I can just climb out of it like that. I mean, now that's funny because like watch in this weekend I'll have issues or something. But I mean like I just get so motivated out there. But I am so like this race is pretty fast. Like last year when I ran it, I I got like, I think like I did 50 miles in like I want to say nine hours, 20 minutes, but I want to go faster than that. But towards like the back half, yeah, I was like walking, shuffling. I think for me, like I what happens is uh I don't just like stop. I I just you know, I I just go much slower. But like, you know, I I'm I'm okay. I mean, I can I can I can finish, but it's just I I just end up going slower. That's just me. So yeah, I it's just kind of like it's just ultras is just landing the plane. You just have to figure a way to land the plane. That's the hard part. Um, it might be a slower landing, you know, but you just land the plane.
SPEAKER_02:And maybe just keeping that sense of humor, like you said, because that's what I think spirals people out when they hit the wall running or just on any goal they're trying to do, is when you get all up in your head that you're failing.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Well, and that's the thing with ultras. Like I think like people are just like they don't they they don't like think of certain things in terms of failure, you know. It's just fun, you're having fun out there, you know. Um, I mean, yeah, there's some people that that's why I don't think I could ever be like a sponsored, like elite runner. Because like then it when it becomes like a job, I think for me, like that's when it's not fun, I think. And you know, you have all that pressure. But you know, again, I just go out there just, you know, sometimes I'll I'll go fast, but then other times, you know, it's just you know, I just feel good doing it, being out there with people. I mean, I might, you know, like I said, I might go fast sometimes. Other times, yeah, I might not. I might have the slowest race I've ever done, but I don't care. You know, it's like I'm having a good time doing it. I'll eat some red velvet cake, whatever. I'll drink some Coca-Cola, I'll talk, you know, I'll talk about my friends about like blockbuster video. We'll we'll talk about a movie that we'll probably never watch, but some whatever to get us through that.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, worst movie you ever saw or something like that.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, like, oh, I can't wait to watch that. I'm never gonna watch that movie. That's just to get me past this, you know. Like you just talk about that stuff. Yeah. So like I yeah, I think everything around it, I just really enjoy it. You know, it's just getting yourself to like climb out of that hole and just finish. Yeah, it's cool, it's fun.
SPEAKER_02:And then you're glad you did. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Well, there's been times I'm like, oh, I hate this race. Well, actually, no, this is a really good example. So, like, there's this one race I do every year called the Barkley Fall Classic. Every single time I've done it, I'm like, I will never do this race again. But the the registration for next year happens a week after. And I'm like, I'm always like, Oh, if I don't get in, I'm like, why didn't I get in? You know, like because it's hard, it's hard to get in that race because everyone wants to do it. But that that's the funniest thing with ultras. I feel like you get that constantly. Everyone's like, I'm not gonna do this race again. This is a one and done type thing. But then they do it again and they get mad when they can't get in. So like it's so weird. We just we need this. I think a lot of us just need this stuff. We need to go out there and do something brutally hard just to feel alive and you know, make it be us again. I don't know. It's just weird.
SPEAKER_02:I think sometimes the hardest things we do turn out to be the most rewarding. And once the pain is gone, we we want to feel that again. Like, like I've never finished a marathon, but I I'm a mother of nine children. I don't know if you realize that, but I I'm the same way. At childbirth with each of the nine, I'm like, I'm never doing this again, you know. And then like a week later, I'm like, oh, the baby's so cute. I'll yeah, you know, like you kind of forget the pain once the pain's gone, but what you take with you is is the joy and the accomplishment and the excitement of the experience. And that's the part that brings you back to do it again. And then when you're at mile 80, you're going, Oh, I forgot about this part, you know, why do I keep doing this?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, it's weird, but yeah, exactly. Like you're gonna be thinking, I know for me though, like, you know, as I'm dying, I'm gonna be thinking about mile 80. That's it, those are the those are your best memories, you know.
SPEAKER_02:So exactly, exactly. I just want to see what our time's looking like. Okay, so before I ask my last question, where can everybody find you online? If they want to follow you, I'll tell you what. His Instagram page is just you can tell the kind of happy energy that John has, and his Instagram page is just all about that. So tell everyone where to find you.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, it's come to Breezy Trailhead. Um, I do a lot of different things. You know, I'm a caregiver. So, like, you know, you'll see some stuff with me and my buddy Donald on there. Um, I write studio reviews for Believe in the Run. Uh, I do a lot of different stuff. You'll see some pictures of me and my daughter on there. Um, you know, I don't have anything with her hula hooping yet, but I'd like to get some pictures of her possibly hula hooping. Yeah, I'm I I I do a lot of different stuff. Uh like I said, I like adventures. I like to eat. I'd like to get it. We we didn't even you know what's you know what's the tragedy in this podcast? We didn't even touch on eating. Well, a little bit, a little bit with the red velvet cake and stuff. But yeah, um, yeah, I'm a huge fan of eating. I'd like to do an eating contest, but I've never I've never had a chance. Every time I've tried to, it just hasn't worked out, but I would love to do that. But um, yeah, I'd like to get that on.
SPEAKER_02:You want to actually do an eating contest like most nachos or something.
SPEAKER_00:Well, so I have a so like my girlfriend and I, like she was um, we did a race earlier this year. This is kind of a tragedy. So like I was gonna do a Benny's pizza eating contest. So like it they make Benny's is a place here. They make this huge, like giant pizza vibe. And uh, I was gonna try to eat the whole thing for a challenge they put on. Like, you have to eat, I think, in like 27 minutes. And if you do it, you get like a t-shirt and like$300 or something. But it's huge. The pizza is like it's like obsessively like large. Yeah, it's it's like one of the biggest people. You can't fit it in a car, it's like that big. But um but so I made a deal with my girlfriend. I said if she got in the if she won uh the Blue Ridge Hap Marathon, then uh I would I would do the challenge and I would win it also. But um, we got into the race and uh she was having a great race. She was in the she she ended up being like third place, but they canceled the race on us, like it because it started raining. So they canceled it. Yeah, she was like, I want to see she was a mile from the finish. We were so angry. Like, yeah, like when we got done, like there was like nobody there. We were just like, what? So like, yeah, it that it basically like once we um got done, we just were really sad and we ended up just going back home, basically. Yeah, it was that was that that was the that was a really sad experience. So, like you can't really do a pizza eating contest after that. You're just kind of like, oh yeah, you need to be you gotta be hyped up. Yeah, you gotta be hyped up for that. You gotta like see if if she would have won that or got even got like third on like a race or something, I would have been like, yeah, and that we I would have been like, I would have carried that energy into doing that. And um, yeah, I we it was such a that was such a buzzkill. So like we just uh yeah, we just like okay, I guess we're done here.
SPEAKER_02:But I love that this is something that you guys can share together. Yeah, the activity that you guys can, you know, experience together and train together and what however else you do that. But that's I think that's so cool when couples have common interests like that.
SPEAKER_00:I'm not gonna lie, it is it is tough at times because like, you know, we both have egos and like you know, we both have our own stuff. And like she she mainly runs on like uh road races. Like I, you know, I do the trails and the altars and stuff like that. But she, you know, she's running the uh JFK with me this week in the 50 miler. Um, I mean, she it's funny, she she's really good on trails, but like likes doing road, and we're kind of like the opposite in weird ways. But um, I I push her at certain times and she pushes me. But um, you know, like she does it can be kind of difficult because like she doesn't want me doing certain races, and then like you know, I have preferred ones. So like it's a lot of balancing, you know. Yeah, it can be it can be stressful, but you know, but like uh you know, we we get along and we put we push we push each other to you know do some good things together, I believe. I you know, it it is very fun to have. I mean, like I I met I met her at a race in 2018, and like I, you know, right from the get-go, I was like, you know, like I, you know, I wish she could be my running buddy. We could go out together, we could like, you know, it's so weird, but like, you know, what's it probably happened? We're like, yeah, I've got this buddy. And you know, it it's it is really cool. It it's it's a lot, though. I mean, it's again, it is a lot, but you know, it's like any relationship, you know, you you can't just assume it's gonna be like everything's gonna be rosy because the person's a runner.
SPEAKER_02:So like right, exactly.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, yeah. And that's I think I think when you do end up being with a runner, you're just like, it's awesome, but then you're just like, wait a minute, we still have we're still people. Like we it's uh running's not gonna fix everything, you know? So it's uh it's weird, you know. Like I always thought, like, oh, if I'm with a runner, I'm fine, everything's gonna be okay. No, it's not okay. You still have to be a human and you have to have to work.
SPEAKER_02:We're you're still a human. The last question I have for you is how how do you take the lessons you've learned from running and ultra running in particular and apply them? Or how would you recommend someone else apply these types of life lessons into regular life off the trail, particularly into having more joy in your life?
SPEAKER_00:For me, I think that that's probably why I seek out doing hard the really hard races like the Barclay Fall classes like that I do every year that I don't know why. Like, you know, it's like one of those races like you're like, yeah, yay, I got in. Oh boy, you know, I get to get killed again. But you know you love it. So like I think that it's just like for me, I I don't necessarily know if I like learn anything from them per se, but I think that like just like going out there and doing it, you're just so much happier coming back into like, oh, I'm just I'm doing this today. Like, you know, I'm gonna this is gonna be so much easier now that I've I was able to do this over the weekend, you know. Like you I might feel some soreness in my legs or whatever, but like, you know, I'm not having to climb that, you know, giant horrible mountain covered in briars, you know? Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:So like but I do on purpose every time. Why?
SPEAKER_00:That I that I pay for, yeah. I pay for it's like yeah, I I it's weird. I mean, um, yeah, I think maybe maybe patience also. I think like I've tried, you know, you know, just to be more patient with people and just listening. I think that, you know, it just yeah, I think all around, just somehow I can't really explain it, but somehow it just evens me all out and makes me me a real like you know, I I I mentioned earlier, like it makes me feel like I was, you know, like I'm a kid before like you know, before I things got clouded, you know, and um there's I mean like being an adult's cool, but like let's be honest, like some of the stuff you encounter you encounter over the years becoming adult. I mean, you know, you're you're you're confused, you know, you're going through some crazy stuff, and you know, I think you forget a lot about some of the more negative effects of the journey. You just get back to more simpler times.
SPEAKER_02:I love that. Well, I'll tell you, John, I think you'd be a great running coach for others if you're thinking of doing because I already I almost feel like I want to go do an ultramarathon run.
SPEAKER_03:Let's go.
SPEAKER_02:That's like so far out, I can't begin to tell you. So your energy is contagious. And I am so grateful to you for being on the show today.
SPEAKER_00:It was a lot of fun. Thank you so much for having me.
SPEAKER_02:Go follow John at Breezy Trailhead on Instagram and Facebook, and have a great day, everybody. Woohoo!
SPEAKER_01:Thank you for joining me today on the Joy Felicity Podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, please like and share, and come follow me on all major social media sites at JoyFelicity or on my website, joyfelicity.com. You can follow the link in the description for this episode to all of the places that we can connect. Have a great day, everybody, and remember dare to dream, plan to play, live to learn.
