Free Up Space

In this episode Im talking a little bit about the lessons I have learned from preparing  for my personal house downsize. But also about scaling back and freeing up space in other areas of life too.

Scheduling, emotional, and energetic shifts that can make a big difference when seeking a life of peace and joy.

Check out the companion blog post to this episode on my website: https://www.joyfulicity.com/post/free-up-space

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:09

When our phones start glitching and not working well, one of the remedies is to delete some things to free up space. I'm starting to learn that that holds true for the rest of our lives too. Welcome to the Joy Felicity Podcast. I'm your host, Laura Wakefield. Love it or hate it, for most of us, our phones have become fairly central to our ability to function in both our personal and work lives. Mine works well for the most part, but recently had been slowing down and becoming a little glitchy. I took some time the other day to delete a bunch of old photos I didn't want. I also removed all of the apps from my home screen that I never use, and I even deleted a ton of old emails. Since I freed up some space, the phone is far faster and more efficient again. So it got me thinking, if it works for my phone, it could be an important lesson for my life generally as well. For example, I don't function as well when my schedule gets too crammed full of activities, or when mentally I have too many stressors running circles in my head. So sometimes it becomes very important to free up space in my schedule. There's a lot of little time wasters that I do all the time, and maybe you recognize some of these. One of them is mindlessly scrolling on social media and that endless refresh, refresh, refresh. Why do we do that? And I think we would be astonished at how much time we're spending at that. Just by eliminating that, we would free up a lot of old space. What about old junk emails that come in and dealing with all of those? Taking the time to unsubscribe from all those lists will save us a lot of time. And we might feel like, oh gosh, it's only a second every time I have to delete an email. But if you're doing that a hundred times a day like I was, it really adds up. And it just sort of makes it hard to function in your email with the emails that actually matter. And you end up missing some of those because of all the junk. There's been clubs that I've been a part of that were really fun and I enjoyed them in the beginning, but there came a point in time where the benefit I felt like I was receiving from them wasn't as high as the time commitment that I was giving to them. So sometimes I've had to eliminate social activities with different people in order to make space for others that mattered more to me. I spend a lot of time sitting, stressing, just generalized stressing, not necessarily productive stressing, but just worrying, wringing my hands, thinking about all the different possibilities. I'm trying to learn now to just cut to the chase and get to the solution as fast as I can and just save myself all of that time and mental strain from going around and around in circles. Games on my phone were taking a lot of time. Now, I don't, I'm not a big gamer like some people are, but I can get really hooked into spider solitaire and text twist, even some just really silly ones, like the this block game that honestly, it's really remarkable. You think I'm just gonna sit down and decompress with this for a minute, and like an hour or two goes by. And I'm not opposed to taking time out for recreation and even to games. But for me, it was an unhealthy thing because they were taking more time again than what the actual benefit of that experience was to me. It was just mindless. And sometimes escaping into the mindless can be beneficial. But for me personally, there was more effective ways that actually left me feeling more refreshed and recharged than playing around in a game was. So I've deleted all of those from my phone. And occasionally I'll still play Spider Solitaire or something on my computer, but I'm trying to be more conscious of that and not let it just suck my time when I've got other things that are either more important or just simply more relaxing. I had a couple of side jobs at one point in time that were making me a little bit of extra money. But when I really sat down to look at how much I was spending in gas and time and energy, the extra money wasn't really worth it. And I was able to go into my schedule and figure out some other ways to just kind of cut my spending a little bit. And I was able to eliminate those side jobs and maybe free up 20 hours a week in my life. And these side jobs were also taking place late at night and in the early mornings. And so it just wasn't a healthy situation for me. And it took some real evaluation of my finances to realize that they really weren't worth the extra money that I was making. And that there was more effective ways to deal with that financial situation and amount of money that they were bringing in. Unfinished projects is another one that sometimes we need to free those up. And sometimes that means just devoting the time to finishing the project. If it's something that mattered to us, sometimes it's having a good hard, heart to heart with yourself and realizing you're never going to finish that. And just getting rid of it, getting out of out of your closet, out of your garage, out of your mind and heart as this thing that you're failing at because you're not finishing it. If it's not that important, maybe it was to you when you started, but it's not anymore. Just get rid of it. Or give yourself the gift of devoting whatever amount of time it's going to take to finish it. And then you have your finished product. Either way, you're going to be lighter in your mind and spirit when you're done. Sometimes I've had to free up space by blocking toxic people from my life, either online or sometimes even in person, we have to delete certain personalities and people from our lives. And that sounds kind of harsh, I know, to say. But if there's a particular person that's just bringing a lot of toxic energy into your world, that's not a healthy person for you to have around you. And you're then absorbing that toxic energy and bringing it out to the other people that are in your life too. And that's the important part to remember. It's not just about what you're willing to tolerate and put up with, it's about how it's changing your energy and the way that you show up for others. And sometimes just having, again, that that honest conversation with yourself and maybe even with them, that this relationship is no longer working for me, whether it's a work relationship, a friendship, a romance, and it's time for me to distance myself from it and end this relationship. And those are not easy conversations to have. But most people will attest that they will sit and wring their hands for a long time about a conversation like that. And once they finally have it, no matter how it goes, generally it doesn't go quite as horribly as you think it will. But even if it does, the feeling of freedom that comes after that, and then you no longer have that toxic energy in your life. So it's worth doing. And do that sparingly. I'm not saying that anytime somebody upsets you for anything, you cut them from your life. It's not about that. But you know those people that just really bring toxic energy everywhere they go that are affecting your happiness at a fundamental level. Really look at those and see if you can make a change to the relationship. But if not, maybe it's time to exit. I looked around at my weekly errands too, and found some different ways that I could stack them up. And I'm not a believer in multitasking. I know that a lot of people will fight me on that, but I do think you should focus on one thing at a time. I think you're more present and more able to do things well when you're focused. However, something like errands, if you can, rather than running two errands a day, you can pick a day of the week where you run them all in a very efficient loop. It can save you a lot of time if that's something that is holding you up in your life. There's a lot more little things like that. Those are just some examples of some things that I evaluated in my life and came to the conclusion that I could free up a lot of space either in my mind, my heart, or my daily schedule. And when you do that, it allows you so much more room to enjoy the rest of your time, to enjoy the energy that you have at your disposal, either by simply taking that time and space for relaxation or devoting it to things that maybe you've been putting off. Like how many of us have said that we would exercise, but we don't have time? We would cook healthy meals for our family, but we don't have time. Free up the time. And then you're able to do those self-care things and relationship nurturing. Make time for date night with your significant other. Make time for the things that matter. Because I don't think I'm alone in the fact that I have, and even in some ways still now, have spent my time on things that don't matter, at the exclusion of things that really do. And going forward in my life, I'm trying to be very aware of that. Of what activities are really important, what things really do need my time and attention, what relationships need my time and attention and presence and what don't. Who doesn't? Because every moment that we spend on something that really doesn't matter is taking us away from the things that do. Even if those things that do are simply decompressing and spending time doing absolutely nothing, there's immense value in that. So even if you spend the time that you free up simply meditating or going for a walk or doing very small and simple things that you didn't have time for before, it's valuable. And even if you have a lot of time, be conscious of not squandering it on things that don't matter because again, of that energy that those things are bringing into your life. What are those activities telling you about yourself, about the world, about other people? What I'm talking about really is making conscious choices. And what about stuff? I'm learning this one big time right now. My daughter and I have been watching this television show called Porters, and it's been astonishing to see the amount of possessions that people now, this is a true mental illness, so nothing that I'm saying here is meant to be judgmental at all. It's been making me more aware of this disorder and sympathetic and empathetic for it. That these people the hoarding mentality will save not just more than they need, but hundreds of times more than they need. They'll save true trash and garbage to where it becomes a mental disorder, it becomes a physical danger to themselves in so many ways. It distances them from relationships. So it's very, very serious. But I think most of us on some level on that spectrum are doing a little bit of that. And we may not think that we are. Now, I have a fairly large home right now, so I can fit a lot of stuff in here. And I'm a pretty regular purging of stuff person. Like I send stuff out to Goodwill all the time. I give a lot of things away, I sell a lot of things on marketplace. But I have nine children, and so stuff keeps coming back in. And somehow, you know, because we have a lot of closet space, it doesn't seem like a big deal to have multiples of many things that we maybe don't need that many, but hey, we've got room for it. So my house has never been particularly cluttered in recent years. But when I decided to make a move down to Florida that I'm finally making in just a couple of weeks, by the time this airs, I might be actually on the road to go down there. I am moving into a house that's much, much smaller. I'm going from almost 4,300 square feet down to about 1,800 square feet. So less than half the size of house. And so out of necessity, I've had to be getting rid of a lot of things. It simply won't all fit down there. And it's been a very cathartic process that I've talked about a little bit online, but I want to address it here too, because of some of the things that I've learned. First of all, I learned that we just had excessive amounts of stuff. Like two and three of the same item. We discovered we had, I think, seven hammers. I don't know why we had seven hammers and six pairs of scissors, I think it was. Six or seven pairs of scissors. Why we had so many, I'm not sure. Probably they got stuffed in a corner and nobody could find it and went and bought a new one over and over. Or during moves, we acquired new ones, or different kids moved home and brought their hammer. I don't know what it was. But there's very few people, unless maybe perhaps you work in construction, that need seven hammers. Why did we have them? And why did we not even know that we had so many hammers until we started making this deliberate choice to downsize? So there's been many things like that where I've been surprised to realize how much we actually have. Because it's not until you start looking closely at it that that realization even occurs to you. Things are behind closet doors. They're out in the garage, they're up in the attic. You don't see them every day. And so what you see is that you're keeping your house clutter free, but often you're really not. There's things behind the doors that are cluttering up your house. And I've studied a little bit about feng shui, but in feng shui, they will tell you that that clutter that's hidden is still affecting you. It's still affecting your psyche and the energy flow of your home. So I'm kind of excited to have pared down those things that I didn't even need. There was a lot of other stuff that I've gotten rid of that was broken. I mean, we had a lot of broken things that we had stashed, maybe with the idea that we were going to fix them sometime. Or I don't know. I mean, I honestly don't know why we had so many broken things. There was things that were out of fashion, or we just didn't like them anymore, or maybe we never did. Maybe it was a gift someone gave us. And so we kept it because we thought we should. So we've been getting rid of all of that stuff. Those decisions have come pretty easily, actually. And it's felt really good as we've sent things away from the house to get rid of those things and to even just recognize those issues in ourselves a little bit. The stuff that's been harder has been the stuff that's still good. It's still good and we still like it, but we know we're not going to need it on the other side. There's not room for that particular piece of furniture. But gosh, it's it's still good. We do that, don't we? It still has use. So donate it or sell it. But you don't have to bring it with you. You don't have to keep it if it's not really fitting, or if you're about to change your style. I don't know that I will decorate in the same style down in Florida that I have in Tennessee or Virginia or the places that I acquired most of what I have. Frankly, at this stage of my life, I kind of want the opportunity to rediscover myself a little bit. And when you bring all of your old stuff, you just kind of decorate your house with all your old stuff and it looks pretty much like your new house. In most cases, that's fine. I'm not saying that anybody has to get rid of their stuff if they really like it. But I'm on a bit of a quest in my life right now to kind of have a fresh start, to rediscover some things in myself that I feel have gotten a bit lost or that maybe have changed. As I've gotten into my 50s and my children are starting to grow up and I'm single, I want to know who am I right now? What kind of furniture do I want right now? And so the funds that I'm saving on moving this stuff and that I'm making on selling things, I'm gonna devote to buying some new things down there. And it's a much smaller house, so I don't need as much. And I want to be really careful and deliberate in the choices that I make of what to bring into my home down there. Does it reflect me now? Does it speak to who I am now? Is it creating the kind of environment that I want around me and my children and guests that come into my home now? So it's been kind of exciting for me. And again, I'm not suggesting that anybody has to go through a process like this. If you're doing fine and you're happy, but I think there's a lot of us that this may resonate with a little bit, that we've just kind of held on to stuff because we have it already. And maybe it doesn't really speak to us anymore. And it's so freeing to just let it go. Marie Condo, if you've ever heard of Marie Condo, she has a phrase that she uses in her decluttering program. And she asks you to look at the things in your life and ask you if they spark joy. And of course, you know, joy felicity, that speaks to me. And I've been doing that with a lot of things. Does this make me feel joy when I look at it? And if it doesn't, I don't need it in my life anymore. And the letting go process has been hard. It's been a discovery. There's been a little bit of, I don't want to say shame attached because I try not to do that, but a little, I've been a little appalled sometimes by some of the stuff we still had. The other stuff that's been hard is some of the sentimental things. Something that somebody gifted you or gave you, or a family heirloom, or things like that that somehow we've ended up with and we never maybe really wanted it, but we feel a little guilty getting rid of it. Those things are harder. And those take a lot more introspection. Maybe reaching out and finding other family members that might want that item. And if nobody else wants it, there is that moment where you kind of realize, wait a minute, I'm just getting stuck with the thing that nobody else valued. It's not my responsibility to hold on to this for legacy if it doesn't matter to me either. Because I think we tend to think that that item is our memory and it's not. Your memory you get to take with you, with or without the item. Now, if that item does spark joy for you in remembering that person, then keep it by all means. I have some wonderful family heirlooms that I've been gifted that belong to my grandmother in particular. She was a real collector and saver, and I treasure those. Those I'm keeping. I want those in my home. I want my children growing up with those displayed around my home so I can tell stories about my my grandmother and my father and my mother and the people that have mattered in my life. But there's other items that I inherited or have that were gifts or whatever that, you know, honestly, well, either they don't matter a lot to me, or in some cases, honestly, the energy attached to them is actually negative. Maybe things that you're holding on to that had to do with a past relationship. And they're really not positive memories necessarily associated with them. It really is okay to let them go and not bring them with you. Or maybe even memories that were positive but that are holding you back in some way from beginning a new relationship. And these are very personal choices. I wouldn't begin to tell anybody what they should or shouldn't part with. I'm just telling you what my experience has been getting rid of I I think we're gonna land at somewhere between 65 and 75% of our things that we've gotten rid of. And in part that's been because of this process. In part it's been because we got quotes back on having things moved that were so high that it was simply necessary. And the fact that our house is so much smaller, it necessitated this giant getting rid of things that may not be necessary for everybody, but in my case it was. But it's turned out to be such a cathartic experience to realize that the stuff is really just stuff. And in most cases, it doesn't matter. And I bet you on the other side, we're gonna discover that we still brought things that we didn't need, even after being so careful. And I think that there's going to be very few, if any, items that we parted with that we will miss on the other side, if we even remember what they were. That's the other astonishing part is so much of what we hang on to, we don't even know why. We don't even know sometimes how it came into the house. Who whose is this? We don't know. This stuff seems to multiply in the night while we're sleeping, and we don't know why we have it. We don't care about it. Getting rid of it feels so good. So if this is something that you've been considering doing, a kind of a giant purge of stuff at your house, I can attest that it's it's not an easy process. This has taken me months to do, months of hard work to do this. But I'm so excited that the only things I think that are coming with me to Florida are things that do spark joy and that are truly useful. And I'm so excited to see how that's gonna feel on the other side as we begin to unpack and then make different choices about new things to bring into the home. Now that we've freed up the space, it allows us to fill it back up again appropriately with the right amounts with the things that we truly desire and want in our surroundings, and to discover who we are in that process. When life gets cluttered with physical items, too packed of a schedule, too many things weighing on our hearts, our energy gets cluttered. We don't function as well, just like our phones or our hard drives on our computers. When they get too full, they don't behave the way that they're meant to. They're not efficient, and sometimes they break down and stop working altogether. And we're the same, and quite often the solution is also the same. To just start to free up space and find joy in the process of doing so. Have a great day, everybody. Thank you for joining me today on the Joy Felicity Podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, please like and share, and come follow me on all major social media sites at Joy Felicity or on my website, joyfelicity.com. You can follow the link in the description for this episode to all of the places that we can connect. Have a great day, everybody, and remember dare to dream, plan to play, live to learn.