The Joyfulicity Podcast
Let's face it - in a world full of pain and troubles, couldn't we all use a little (or a lot) more joy? But how do we find it, keep it and share it? We'll dig in on that and explore it together here, on the Joyfulicity podcast. What is Joyfulicity? It's my made-up word for the art of living happy. I'm your host Laura Wakefield, a single mother of 9, certified midlife discovery life coach, writer, travel host and yoga and beach lover. Dedicated to helping others discover and maintain greater peace and personal empowerment. Dare to Dream - Plan to Play - Live to Learn. Here's to living life with a smile.
The Joyfulicity Podcast
Ashley Carlotta - Better Health by Accountability
My special guest on this episode is Ashley Carlotta - Better Health by Accountability.
Have you ever found yourself in a similar cycle as mine? You want to lose weight or improve your fitness and health in some way...so you set a goal and start out great. You may even make some progress. Then you slip into old habits and change doesn't last. Or you get overwhelmed with the "how to" or emotions get involved and you never even start.
That's where Ashley and her team come in - to coach you as you set realistic expectations and goals, and then to support you along the way by providing that accountability element that is so often lacking.
Personal empowerment is such an important element of joyful living. Ashley candidly share her own journey to better health in this episode. She is so knowledgeable, and a genuinely likable person as well.
Visit her website to learn more about how her team can help you reach your goals: https://www.betterhealthbyaccountability.com
And follow Ashley on Instagram: / betterhealthbyaccountability
and Facebook: / betterhealthbyaccountability
Please like and subscribe here, and also visit my links page to see all of the other places we can connect. This is the hub for more information on my website, my coaching program, the podcast, social media and to subscribe to my newsletter. Hope to see you there soon! https://www.joyfulicity.com/links
Welcome to the Joy Felicity Podcast. I'm your host, Laura Wakefield, and I have as my guest today Ashley Carlotta from Better Health by Accountability Coaching. She is a health and fitness coach who specializes primarily in sustainable weight loss techniques and working with clients toward that goal. And I'm really excited to have you on the show. Welcome, Ashley.
SPEAKER_01:Thanks, Laura. Thanks for having me today. It's a weekend. I know we rescheduled a couple times, but I'm super happy to be here.
SPEAKER_00:No, it's my pleasure. I'm excited, actually. Um, as I was telling you before we got on camera, I think that I probably represent a typical clientele type of a person. So I have a lot of questions for you. Yes.
SPEAKER_01:Well, I'm excited for you to ask me anything you want.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. So let's start by talking about your backstory. How did you get into this and a little bit about your business structure? What made you decide to do this in the first place?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. I never ever thought that I was going to be a health coach that wasn't like on my list of like, this is what I want to do later. Right. Because I, in fact, was very unhealthy and had no idea how to actually lose weight and maintain it and keep it off without yo-yo dieting up and down. So um I kind of got into it by accident, but I believe everything happens for a reason. After my second child, I have three, I have three kids. But after my second child, I decided I was just so done with feeling bad about my body. I had gained 50 pounds with my first child. I had gained another 50 pounds with my second child. Now, granted, I had lost a little bit before that, but my whole life was just being unhappy and disappointed with my body and being in this cycle of, okay, I'm gonna be really good. And then I would go off and I would gain the weight back and okay, I'm gonna be really good. And it was just cycle, cycle, cycle. So I decided to really dive into learning about nutrition and how to maybe do it in a different way, other than dieting. Because for me, that felt restrictive and it felt like it's not anything that I could maintain for very long. And so I would lose weight and I, and then I wouldn't know what to do after that. So I started getting into like more strength training, started just asking questions to like my friends who, you know, I thought, hey, she has a nice body, and I like her body or whatever. So I think I just started getting vulnerable about it for the first time in my life because everything I used to just keep inside, right? And I'm sitting there, like, you know, saying names to myself in front of my mirror and all that stuff. But I was like, look, I cannot get a handle on this. And so I just I really started learning about nutrition, about macros, um, what actually fuels my body, what I need, what exercises I should do. And so I kind of like came up with this combination for myself to where I did it slow and steadily this time. Like in my mind, I gave myself like, you know what, it takes nine months to, you know, make this baby. And so I'm just gonna give myself nine months to a year and not feel like, oh my gosh, I have to get the weight off. So I did, and um, I had never felt happier in my life. I had never felt like just freedom, like so much freedom in that I can go to a birthday party and feel like I can have a piece of cake and not like beat myself up about it, or I can go have a glass of wine or whatever, because I had finally learned like what moderation actually looked like. So maintain it for a couple of years, and then we decided to have another child, and I was so scared because I was like, here we go. I'm gonna, you know, I feel really good, but I also really want another kid. So um I didn't gain as much weight with her, and I um I exercised throughout my whole pregnancy, which I hadn't done before. So after I had her, I knew exactly what I needed to do to lose the weight and just get back to a healthier, happier me. But it was the accountability that was missing for me. We had moved to another state. Um, I didn't have like that same friendship circle who I knew that I could call for this or that. And so it was like every Monday would come again and be like, okay, no, I'm I'm really gonna do it this week. I'm really gonna do it. And so what I ended up doing is I started posting my story on Instagram. I posted my before pictures, I was posting what I was eating, um, what exercises I was doing, and I was drinking my water. And so every Wednesday people would follow with me and they'd go, I'd have like my weigh-in Wednesday, and I would say what my loss was. It was, it was crazy. I can tell you that I never thought I would do something like that. But I did up at the time it was private, and I only had like really close friends and family following me. And so from there, I just had people asking me, What are you doing? What diet are you on? How are you losing the weight? And so I was answering all of these questions and stuff, and my friend was like, I totally want to pay you to like coach me to do this, like to essentially hold me accountable. And so that's what I started doing. I started doing it for friends at first, and I went and got my health coaching certificate because I was like, there could be something to this. I did um taxes and accounting for 12 years, and I got so burnt out of that. And so I didn't really have anything I was doing at the time. I had three little kids at home, and so I was like, this is perfect. This is something that like can fill my bucket. I can help other women feel good about themselves, and it'll hold me accountable to keep doing it too. So that is my long-winded story of how this even came to fruition. And to be honest, nobody even asks me like what my certifications are, right? Because they see, they saw the process, they see what I'm doing every single day, and they trust that I know what I'm doing. And so I don't regret getting that, but I did go through a lot of time and a lot of school doing it, and I learned more things, you know. But um I just really believe that sustainable weight loss needs to be slow and steady. It needs to not like have a race, like, okay, my wedding is here. Like, and yes, there are times when maybe you might be a little bit more stressed about it than not, but I still don't think that you should take extreme measures to get there. And so um I hold my clients accountable by checking in with them multiple times a day and just guiding them on what's actually fueling their body and and what to do. But really, you have to be consistent um if you want to see results. You can't just do it for a few days and then decide, okay, it's my whoo, it's my trip. I'm gonna go balls to the walls, you know. I mean, yes, you can have fun, but you have to be consistent.
SPEAKER_00:So that's how I got here. Awesome. Yeah, I find that when people get into coaching, that quite often they have a backstory where they themselves had to learn a lesson first, and then they get so excited about sharing that with other people and helping other people have the same sort of results. And I think that your story, I'm a mother of of nine, so I did the the gain it, lose it, gain it, lose it many, many times. Um yeah, so it's yeah, I know that whole process. And I still am right now hanging on to that same 30 pounds that kind of goes like this in a loop. So that story resonates with me, and I think it does with a lot of of women in their 30s, 40s, 50s, you know. Um, once you gain it, it feels like you're fighting that same weight the rest of your life, you know. So I love that you talk about the sustainability part because most of us can figure out how to lose it. Right. We just can't figure out how to make it stay away and not come back. Um so who is your typical client that comes to you? Like do you have a typical client?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, absolutely. I would say I do work with men sometimes, but I mostly work with women. Um, probably from age 30 to like 50, I would say, is, you know, and a lot of women who are either getting close to menopause after menopause and they think that their metabolism is broken. Um I get it. And that's what a lot of, you know, we research these things and these articles tell us this and that, you know. Um, I think a common problem is that women think that they just need to keep restricting more and more and more as they get older. And I've heard it so many times where it's like, I just I know I just need to eat less, but I just like to eat, you know? And oftentimes they're not getting the right balance of macros, and oftentimes they're not eating enough. I would say more than 50% of the clients that come to me are not eating enough, they're restricting too much, and then their body is it's just not cooperating with them the way that they need to. My typical clients um generally either work full-time or they're stay-at-home moms, or they're a combination of both, which basically means they're running rampant and they feel overwhelmed, like they don't have time to take care of themselves, to plan meals, because it's hard. Life is hard and the day goes fast, and then all of a sudden, oh, what's for dinner? Or, oh, I haven't even eaten breakfast yet, you know, or I don't even know if I've had a sip of water yet, or gotten out of my chair, or whatever that is, you know. Um, and especially even with stay-at-home moms, too. I can't tell you how many times they're like, okay, well, we're at the park and we were running errands, and I'm like, I know you didn't forget to bring water and like snacks for your kids. I know you didn't because you know that they're gonna have a meltdown, but you have to take care of yourself like a kid too, because you're gonna have a meltdown and you're gonna be hangry and turn to something that's probably not that good for you, like grabbing fishy crackers and nuggets and all the things. Um, so I really help women with planning in advance and making it easy for them to do and easy to maintain um and not feel like they have to like be cooking a new meal every night, you know, or making this perfect lunch to take with them. I I work with a lot of teachers and it's like they barely have any time to eat, you know. So making sure that when you are making a meal at dinner that you have enough that you can take to work the next day, or that if you are getting takeout or you're stopping at a drive-thru, you know these choices that you can get. They're still delicious, but they're it's it's just you're being more mindful so that you're fueling your body correctly and with enough protein. Women in general are not getting enough protein. Um, and they're afraid, they're afraid to eat too much because we've been told that we just need to cut back all the time. So I do work with like a lot of women who are single too, and they're like, I I don't even, I don't want to cook a meal for myself because it's just me, you know? And so they're getting DoorDash all the time or convenience, or they're going out for happy hour and stuff. And while that stuff is fun and dandy and all that stuff, we have to also be, you know, an adult and make some food because it's it's just in the long run, you're gonna keep gaining weight if you keep with those bad habits. And eating out is fine every once in a while, but we all know that they have more calories and more sodium, and it's just not as good for us. So yeah, mostly people come to me and go, I'm overwhelmed, I feel fat. Help me.
SPEAKER_00:I can totally relate to that. And and I liked what you said about how you know we tell ourselves these stories in our mind that I can't think about all of that, but they're thinking about it for their kids. They came prepared for their kids. So I think women are conditioned for some reason, there's a whole lot of societal reasons, I suppose, but to kind of think about everybody else and they kind of come last on that list. And so while you have this baby bag full of everything you might need for your toddler, you didn't, you couldn't throw in what you need for you too. And it's because there's some psychological thing in us, I think, that almost feels like we're not supposed to take care of ourselves. Have you encountered that with people? I mean, it's not that we would consciously say that, but there's something going on there, I think.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I think so too. And I also think that like our mind is just filled with so many things. I mean, that's not to say that I haven't like had times in my life where I've forgot to like grab my protein bar or I've only grabbed my coffee and not my water. Like that happens because a lot of times you have so many things that you need to do just to get out the door that you haven't even thought about, okay, well, what about three hours from now when I'm gonna need something or you know, I'm gonna need to hydrate or something like that. And what I think happens a lot with women, and again, not just with little kids either, is they feel like they have to be all in. And if they're not all in, then they're just kind of out. It's like, I messed up and okay, I messed up this day again and I haven't worked out for five days. And so instead of just like getting back at it, they just stop. It's like, okay, well, I'm I'm either being healthy or I'm not being healthy. And so I try to like change the philosophy of that to be like, maybe you have a bad week, but then that doesn't mean that you don't go schedule your workout for the next week or you turn on a 20-minute YouTube video. I mean, I think they think like it needs to be this hour-long thing and it has to be three or four days a week, and I have to have salmon this day and chicken this day and da-da-da, and it all planned out, and then just go, that's just that's too much. It's just too hard for me, you know.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, we've overcomplicated a great deal, I think. And like you're saying, it's like I have to be doing an hour and a half of heavy weightlifting every day. And if I don't do it, then I'm a failure. I can't possibly. And and I I play that little game inside my mind. In in some ways, it's it's just, and I've had to acknowledge this in myself. If I can tell myself that, it doesn't feel good to be like, I can, I'm a failure. But there's some reason why I'm doing that. It's because I really maybe am not as committed to the weight loss as I tell myself I am. And that's kind of my out. It's my excuse to stay in bed and not get up and do my workout. And there's that reward for me. Even though then I feel bad about myself, it becomes a little bit of a weird psychological cycle that we do and these little games we play. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I've been there. I mean, I truly have been there where I so badly want to change what I'm doing, but it's like I can't do it myself. There's something in me that I don't have the motivation and the discipline to do it myself without having to report to somebody or without having somebody check in with me. Hey, did you do this today? Hey, did you actually stick to the plan when you went out with your girlfriends, or did you end up having four glasses a line and a ton of nachos? You know? And so I think that's why oftentimes accountability really is the missing piece when at least when you're trying to get started. When you get into a good routine and these healthy, you know, things that you're doing become habits, then it becomes a lot easier, you know, and you start being more disciplined in scheduling things into your day and prioritizing them because you know how good you feel. And you're like, I don't want to go back to that feeling of feeling bloated and tired and exhausted and all of that, you know, and and then you start prioritizing sleep more and spirituality and you know, things that make you feel good because you're like it it is like you kind of said when we talked off camera, it's like that mind-body connection, and it all goes together because when your body is tired and feeling gross, your mind often is too. I mean, and I know that that's just so terrible to say, but it really is the truth, and that's what I find from talking to my clients is their minds are unhealthy generally too, you know, and sometimes, not all the time, but oftentimes we need to go to therapy in conjunction with getting healthy too, because sometimes there's other things going on at home or whatever it is that make it even more unmotivating to get going because you just feel so bad about yourself.
SPEAKER_00:So, Ashley, you said something earlier about accountability. And I have found that, you know, while you don't need a coach technically, you could have a friend or family member be accountability for you. But I have found in my life, and I know many other people have as well, that that sometimes that support isn't always that's not always the best place to find that support. Sometimes people are actually threatened by the challenges that or the changes that you're making or just don't know how to be a support system to you. So in those cases, I think a coach is just invaluable. What do you have if a client comes to you, what does that look like for them?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I mean, to your point of what you said, I think a lot of times people wait a long time before they hire a coach. And like coaching in general is still a new thing where people are like, a coach, like what do you need this for? You know? And so I do talk to a lot of people eventually who contact me and book a call and they're like, I've been following you for a long time, I've been trying to do this on my own. And while maybe I've made a little bit of progress, but then I've gone the other way. And so it's time. Like I actually need to be consistent this time. And they'll say, you know, my husband is not a good accountability partner, or me and my friend were doing this thing, and then she totally fell off, or I fell off. And I knew even one of my best friends, like way back, like in our in our beginning 20s or whatever, we were like both like logging in my fitness pal and sending each other like our calories and all of those things. And then she'd be like, Do you want to go to happy hour on Friday? Like, let's like screw this, like life's short, like let's just go to happy hour. You know what I mean? And so, again, back to that all or nothing mentality. We were either doing really good or really bad. And so, uh what a coach is gonna do is they're like a third party, obviously. They want you to succeed, they've done it before, they've been there, they know all the emotions and how hard it is to coach you through that and to keep you on track. And so, I mean, I've hired business coaches before in the past because I'll have a to-do list a mile and a half long, but to actually get the things done and organize it and get guidance around what I actually need to do first and second, all of that. I mean, it's invaluable. So I invest my money in coaches as well because I know the value that comes with having somebody that really knows what they're doing and can help you.
SPEAKER_00:Absolutely. And I feel like that emotional component can sometimes be the hardest part. Like you can Google how to lose weight, you can read books, you can figure it out. Most of us, like for me, for example, I'm battling this 30 pounds. I actually used to be a health coach. So it's not that I don't know what to do. I know what to do. It's that the whole emotional component that's that we tie all around food and weight gain and weight loss, and like we were saying before, all those senses of I'm a failure. And, you know, the emotions that come up are usually what we're running away from more than just our food addiction. We do have food addictions, and that's a real thing, but I think sometimes we're just running from the emotions and the things that we start to feel.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. And I think, and I know that many of us use food as a coping mechanism for how we're feeling. Um, whether you're restricting food or overeating food or over-drinking, that's a big thing, especially. I got started in the beginning of COVID with health coaching, and people were coming to me and they were like, oh my gosh, I'm drinking way more than I ever did. And then even going into 2021, 2022, this was like the new habit. And I feel like even in social settings, um, people were just drinking all the time. Like, hey, let's meet here, let's go here, let's go here. And so sometimes, especially for my clients who travel for work and all of that, they're always in these situations where they can very easily make poor choices, overeat, drink too much and stuff. And so having a plan and knowing that they're gonna have to check in is invaluable, you know, for them to stay consistent. Because they're not gonna be able to get out of the situation. It is what it is. And you don't want to like say no to a girls' night or a date night or a birthday party or whatever that is. Um, I do I people mostly know what to do, just like you said. They can go on Google, they can say, all right, what's a lean or low calorie thing to eat, right? Like, all right, have some chicken and broccoli and this and that. But I think what happens is it becomes extreme. And then that becomes sad in somebody's minds, like, I don't want to eat that every day, you know? And so they just get burnt out really quickly. And so I think it's so important to have a variety of options that you can eat and feel comfortable and safe going to situations where you're like, no, I know, I know I can be in control in this situation, I don't have to totally blow it. Um, and yeah, just back to the accountability of that. Like for me, that's what always, always, always has worked. Because if somebody doesn't have eyes on me, even though I know what to do, you know, I mean, if you don't have those habits built up in place, it's so easy to falter from those and to find to have peer pressure from those around you, like, oh my gosh, come on, you look fine. Oh, come on, life's short, have another drink. Like, oh, you're not gonna eat a cookie. And then, like, if people are watching you when you're not doing stuff, and so it's also really important to be able to mind their own business too. But people will get jealous sometimes when they see, like, oh, you're having progress in this and that. And if it's like a certain friend or a family member that is used to you being a certain way and you start to change a little bit, that can be intimidating for them, but really they're looking inward at their own self and they're projecting it on you, you know.
SPEAKER_00:Exactly. Because a lot of so much of our life, of our social interaction as humans, revolves around food. So when you change what you're doing, it will affect your friends and family members. Maybe you always did happy hour every Tuesday and Thursday, and maybe you don't want to do that anymore. Or, you know, maybe your your husband or one of your kids is just not on board with this and you start changing what you make for dinner. So I think there's a sensitivity that you need to have for the effect it's having on other people while also staying true and saying, this is important to me and it's not your business. And, you know, because in many cases it's simply not. But even for the people that it is having the strength to uh just really explain why this is important. And I I think that's where a coach comes in handy too, is it just gives you that person to talk to that's 100% on board.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. And back to the like emotional eating part too, is that's huge, right? And a lot of times we eat when we're not even hungry, or we might be hungry and we need fuel in another way, but we turn to this because of how we're feeling, and we know or we think that this is gonna help us feel better. But after you eat it or after you overindulge, you always regret it. It's a very short window of time that that's gonna make you feel better, you know? And so we talk through what are other things that you can do in this moment. Now, for example, like if a client is PMSing, right? And they're like, Oh, I just want some chocolate, I will be like, have some chocolate. Like, let's think about what you can have because there are like hormonal times in your life and this and that where it's like, and it's totally fine. And I don't ever want somebody to be so strict that they can't do that. But if this is a habit where you're trying to feed yourself this unhealthy food and be lazy about making stuff or preparing stuff or planning ahead, um, that's where you're never gonna get the hang of it. And it's hard to like backtrack when you've been doing that for so long. And that's why I really like to take women by the hand and move slowly and help them and not have to change everything the every single thing that they're doing. But oftentimes they will. They'll start texting me. They'll be like, oh my gosh, I'm so proud of myself. Like, I put protein powder in my pancakes today, or oh, I go to McDonald's, but I, you know, I got a kids' meal, or whatever that looks like, you know, so that you're just thinking about it, doesn't have to be difficult. Weight loss does not have to be challenging and difficult, but you do have to think ahead of time, right? You can't let yourself get to that point of, I'm so hungry now. What I'm gonna eat, and then you know, you have no willpower, nothing left when it gets to that. And so, uh, like in a typical day with my client, like so they send they send me pictures of what they're eating throughout the day to hold them accountable, and so I make sure that they're like having balanced meals and stuff like that. And so if I've seen like, let's say Susan, for example, like if she sent me her breakfast at 10 o'clock, but here we are, it's three o'clock, she hasn't sent me anything yet. You you better bet I'm gonna be on her butt saying, Did you eat your lunch? Like, what are you doing? And hey, you said you were gonna get your workout in at two o'clock that I assigned you. Did you do that yet? Like, what's going on? Right. And so I'm like that little nagging angel on your shoulder to make sure that they're doing what they say that they're gonna do. Now, there's grace in that and life gets busy and stuff, but people are coming to me because they want to change and they want to be better and they want to prioritize themselves. And so that's what I help them do.
SPEAKER_00:Well, and that that would be, I know that that's something that would be so helpful for me because I tend, like you said, I I actually don't overeat. I undereat. But what happens is, like you said, I I'll wait until I'm so hungry that then I will eat not necessarily too many calories, but I'll eat badly. And the things that really don't fuel me very well. You know, and sometimes too many calories, ironically, will get stacked up because I waited until I was too hungry because I just get kind of frantic and busy in my day and just forget to eat altogether. And I think we have this idea that people that are dealing with with weight gain are just like slogs and they just break over anything and that they just eat all the time. That's not really the truth for me. I'm actually extremely busy and don't eat enough. And that can also cause weight gain, and that's so counterintuitive. Why, why does it work like that?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, and oh, I love that you said that because there are people on the outside looking in that are so judgy judgy and this just assume that people are just like going to town eating all day if they're overweight, right? Um, I think a lot of times, one reason why is a lot of times women are trying to like save up their calories for later. Because it's almost like, well, if I don't eat too much in the morning, then by the night that means I can have more, right? Like that's one reason, and that's like a big no-no in my book. Um, but other times, yeah, I think lack of planning, I think grabbing snacks. Like some people think I'm not eating that much, but they keep grabbing these different snacks throughout the day, and they really have no idea how much they're actually eating. Um, and whatever they are having is not fueling them. So then within another hour and a half or two hours, they're wanting something else. Like when I first one dear client that I first talked with over a year ago or whatever, I remember her telling me, like, it what I said, what is a typical lunch look like for you? She's like, Well, I might grab some like carrots because I know those are good for me, and then I'll open like a nutter bucket, nutter butter package, but it's just a hundred calorie package, you know. Um, and then maybe like I'll get some like brookie or some cheese, and but she's not like making herself somewhat of like a balanced meal. And so she's just snacking throughout the day, and so you you have no idea have you had enough calories, have you not have enough calories? And then by the end of the day, you're just tired and you know, you have no idea what's gonna go on if you didn't like plan your dinner or stuff like that. Um, yeah, and your metabolism is not working effectively or it's not working for you. If you were not at least somewhat hungry, I'd say every four to five hours is typical. Um, I know for me, like when I wake up, if I don't eat within about an hour and a half or so, like my stomach is growling, right? And so, but that's That's also when you're pairing consistent exercise, you know, with eating, that's about the schedule that you should be on. Um, and not every day is gonna be perfect, but I mean, I know like there's the interminute fasting saga, which I don't think it's good for women. I think that it can work for men more than women. Um, but again, it's just another diet, it's another way to like restrict and like think that you have to follow these rules around food. And I talk to clients who are like, I don't know if I should do paleo or keto or if I should fast, or I've heard of lazy paleo, and you know, they're like running through all of these different things. And I'm like, how about just eating mindfully throughout the day? Let me show you what that looks like and keep you on somewhat of a schedule. Make sure that you're drinking enough water, you know, instead of feeling like you have to have this rule book of what I can eat, what I can't eat. Now, there are women that come to me who um are either vegetarian or vegan, and we'll talk through that with them too. Like, well, why? And sometimes their reasons aren't necessarily the typical reasons of that. Um, but you know, I have clients who are gluten-free and dairy free, and obviously sometimes they have an allergy to that, and so they have to restrict that for those reasons. But for the most part, no food is off limits. Let's figure out how to make it work for you with the foods that you enjoy and and just feel good again and feel confident in the decisions that you're making.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, because food is also a huge pleasure part of life. And we don't want to eliminate that altogether. And I think that's what scares people sometimes is that hey, if I decide to be super healthy, I'll just be miserable all the time and never ever again be able to have a cookie. And I like what you're saying. No, it it's not about that. It's about being mindful and just making good choices. And we do that like we were talking earlier for our children. Like I would catch myself sometimes when I had my kids were littler. My youngest is, you know, 15 now. So I don't monitor what they eat quite as closely. But I would be eating stuff and they would want, you know, maybe more than two cookies or something. And I would say, no, no, you can't do that. That's not good for you. That I'm in the back corner eating five, you know, and and I don't know why it was important to me to make sure they ate healthy. Why didn't I apply that same kind of mothering and nurturing to myself?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. And and sometimes there's some very deep-rooted issues in that too. Um, one time I did have a client who said that her parents were, they didn't have a lot of money, and growing up, they would lock the pantry and somehow I think lock the refrigerator too. And they were not allowed to eat unless they asked for exact permission. There were certain times that they could and all of that. And so she's like, I have such a screwed-up relationship with food and like eating intuitively and eating when I'm hungry because I don't even know what that feels like. And so you're right, if they weren't allowed to have cookies or if they were too restricted, whether that was when they were a child or what they told themselves, and you know, when they first started dieting as a teenager, that's where like the having five, six, seven cookies comes in because you know that that's not good to do. But again, that there's probably something going on in that moment that it's been a stressful day, or you're tired, or something to where you're not even able to like talk yourself through that. What, like, why? And so that's why I think it's important to take a step back and actually think what like why did I do that? And how can I maybe keep from doing that the next time because that didn't actually make me feel good.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and I think that, you know, we touched on this earlier, but but not specifically. I have found with myself in my life and with coaching clients and just different friends that I've talked to about this, when one area of your life is out of control, it's usually systemic. And it's not uncommon when somebody is battling with weight issues that they're also battling with clutter issues at their house or, you know, issues in their relationships, issues in their work. They're a little bit cluttered and out of control in many areas. And I have found that it doesn't really even matter which one you tackle first, but when you start to it will start to spill to other areas because you start to see the benefit. And the success just kind of breeds success. And you mentioned that before that all of a sudden people are messaging you that they've made these amazing changes in other parts of their life as well. And that's the important part is to just give yourself the chance to succeed, even just a little bit, and feel how that feels.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. And I mean, we all know that feeling of just feeling like our brain is clouded and there's just so many things, and we're just so tired. I mean, yeah, I've been there. So I I completely understand where it's just, you know, and then there's also people I work with who really have mental health issues. Depression is like a real, real thing. And so I can only do so much for them, obviously, because I can say, Hey, did you get your workout in? Hey, did you do this? That's why having me on your side is like the icing on the cake when you're in that, when you're in that position, but you also need to be, you know, working on other things and other areas and other relationships in your life and stuff too. You're you're really feeling at it like a low, low, low, it's gonna be hard to like, all right, I'm gonna go make my eggs, or okay, I'm gonna put my shoes on and go for a walk. But if you just do it a little bit, little steps, you know, because we all know like how much, how good it is for our brain and our mind to move our body. And so many of us are not moving nearly enough, you know, or just going for a walk, like breathing, breathing, you know. We're just a lot of us are just so stressed out. And I think that that's a big reason why we don't take the steps necessary to take care of our health because it feels like there's no way out, you know.
SPEAKER_00:Well, and that cortisol gets going with stress, and Duchess is fighting against you while you're trying to lose the weight, also. So it is all that whole mind-body spirit connection is so important to be nurturing and coaching kind of all of those things at once. But even if you just focus in one area, it will have a positive effect in all of them. You know, I know that when I'm at, you know, my optimal health and fitness level, it changes how I feel about myself, which changes the way that I carry myself and enter a room and interact with people. And it just has impact in all of the areas of my life.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. And I mean, even just like, I feel like productivity too. I mean, um, not that it's all about like getting stuff done and stuff like that, but you can like when you're feeling good, like you can move faster and you can like think a little bit better when you're like eating foods that are good for you, like all of that can go together. And so you just, you know, and getting yourself into social situations, I feel like, you know, there's a lot of people who are introverted too. I happen to be extroverted, but even my introverted clients, I'm like, even if you don't want to like show up in a room with all of these people, like if you're intentionally like connecting with other people, that will help you on your health journey too. Tell people what you're doing, tell somebody what you're doing, you know, and have them have there be another layer of accountability in that because you've expressed, you know, if you really want to change, you have to verbalize it. And even if you're not verbalizing it to an actual person, write it down, make a note card, like have something that you're reminding yourself time and time again. Because I don't know why we beings are it's just so easy to make excuses to ourselves, but we do.
SPEAKER_00:It is there's another component too that I would love to hear your thoughts on because, and it kind of ties into that as women in particular, and I'm sure men face this too, but but I know women do, and it's pretty universal. We not just have a complicated relationship with food, but we have complicated relationships with our bodies in general, and a lot of insecurity, and sometimes it reaches even the point of just self-loathing about our bodies, and that gets all tied in with weight loss. Like somehow we hate ourselves because we're overweight. And I think that that is counterproductive. Like, while while you're trying to get to be your best self, I think you at the same time, and this sounds impossible because they're so different, but while I want to lose this 30 pounds, I also need to come to a place where I love my body now. Because if I don't, if I hate this body, what motivation do I have to take care of it? Yeah. You know, if I love it, then I want to give it its best.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. And that comes with like loving yourself, like also just loving like your inner self too. And I think sometimes it's really hard for people to like make that shift to say, I love my body, right? Because there's a point where you would be lying to yourself if you don't really love your body. And so I think having respect for your body instead, like shifting that, you know, because you know, if like the day before you looked at yourself in a bathing suit, the next day you're not gonna be like, I love my body, you know, that would be awesome if you did. But um I think little things like if you don't like your thighs, for example, think of something positive about them. My thighs are strong and they carry me through my day, you know. So like reframing that instead of being like, my thighs are so nice. If you don't love them, think of something nice about them, you know, and also remind yourself of what you like about the inside, because that's what matters. Reminds yourself of what you're good at, what you're capable of, and all of these things. And the more you focus on that, the less you're gonna care about like what the number says on the scale and your pant size and all of that. And if you're working on your health, like all of that will come, but it's but you can't focus on, you know, you want to lose 30 pounds, for example, of like, all right, here's the finish line over here. I mean, it takes time and it should take time. And if you're doing it quickly, you're just gonna gain the weight back again. And so it's like celebrating every win that you have. I drank a hundred ounces of water, a hundred ounces of water today, you know, or I actually made a home-cooked meal for the first time in a week. And like, so all of those things, because little things add up, they really do, and you'll feel better in your brain and your mind, and you'll be more motivated to continue when you're seeing those little changes happen. And that's what happens with my clients all the time. It's like in the beginning, it kind of feels like I have to like be good all the time, you know? And it's like, no, not all the time, but most of the time.
unknown:Right.
SPEAKER_01:Because that's what that's what God wants for us. He doesn't want us to just be feeling crappy and you know, all over the place. He wants us to be disciplined, and that's how we can like live out our purposes and all of that. But when we're just sitting in self-loathing and feeling bad about ourselves and beating ourselves up, like what it what is that doing? It's doing nothing, you know. So I try to like pull women out of that cycle of of not doing anything. Do something.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, just do it, take a small step. Um, so you have a couple of on your Instagram, it I noticed that you have a couple of people that you work with. Yeah. Tell me about the business and the the women that you work with.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. So I when I started this business, I started up by myself. And then like a year into it, it just totally blew up as far as clients come. And I really like to work with people one-on-one. That's my sweet spot. I feel like that's where the magic happens. And so I knew I wanted to be able to serve more people, but I was like, oh my gosh, this is too many people. And I didn't want to have to say no to them and stuff. And so the two girls that I have working for me right now, they're also coaches. Um, they're two of my best friends. So it works out really good for me because I completely trust them. And so the onboarding process essentially is I take the call, we talk through a client's goals, struggles, every we just get to know everything about them, medications that they're taking and all the things right about their health journey. And then I assign them to a coach that's gonna hold them accountable and plan their workout schedule for them and um is really gonna give them mindful and um guidance around what they're eating. So, and before somebody even gets started, I send them like healthy recipes and meal ideas, and I send them um a sample meal plan that shows how my coaches and I eat pretty regularly, like throughout the week. And so, um, but whoever they work with, if they work with me or Coach Kelly or Coach Caitlin, they'll be in such good hands. And um, we talk on we're like on a group text where we're like constantly talking on there. So it's like I still know what everybody's situation is just because we want to make sure that we're giving like the same advice, and you know, hey, I need a vegan um uh uh protein bar that actually tastes good, and so we'll all like research and make sure that we find like one that actually tastes good and stuff like that. So yeah, I'm so happy to have them on my team. Um, I couldn't do it without them. We couldn't serve as many people if we weren't together, but it's just been a blessing, and we're actually expand, we're gonna be expanding soon too, which I'm really excited about because it works, having the accountability actually, it actually works.
SPEAKER_00:It really does. I'm a big believer in that for this and for almost anything, like it truly just having somebody it for that emotional aspect. Now, where are you located?
SPEAKER_01:We're all in McKinney, and that just kind of happens to be coincidence. But I have had somebody, I've had um a team member work for me in another state before. So, but we have clients in all different time zones. I've worked with people in Europe, I've worked with a gal in uh Jamaica and Canada and stuff like that. So it's all virtual and it's all through text message. Um, we do hop on the phone every now and again, and if somebody is out of country, we use just like the WhatsApp um app to like be able to talk on there and stuff, but we really do become friends with our clients because you can't help but not because you're texting them all the time. And just like you said before, everything is around food, right? Like, well, I didn't eat dinner yet because my teenager was having the meltdown.
SPEAKER_00:Right.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it happens. But I do have a way that you can work um just for two days, like for free. If anybody's interested in just like kind of seeing what that feels like. I give you some meal ideas and I give you a couple of workouts like for three days, and then I check in with you each day to just kind of shows show you what that looks like. And so um either on the Instagram link or on my website, betterhealth by accountability.com, you can um you can go and just sign up and and do it for three days and see if you can get a good jump start just on yourself by doing something for three days.
SPEAKER_00:Well, so that leads into tell everybody where if if if they want to work with you or even just learn more about you, where do they go to find you and what kinds of programs do you offer?
SPEAKER_01:Sure. Um, so my website, BetterHelp by Accountability. They will have um, I have all the programs listed on there. I have one that's for nutrition and fitness, I have one that's just for nutrition. Sometimes people are really good at working out. I actually always was really good at working out. It was the eating that I was totally off track with. And then I have one for fitness only, if someone's like, I eat pretty good, but I don't move ever. Um, and then we also have a basic accountability plan too for somebody who really, really, really knows what to do. They don't need that much guidance, but they just need like a couple of check-ins a day, and that can be really helpful too, like one in the morning, one in the evening. Um, we our programs um start at six weeks. Six weeks is like the shortest time frame because I feel like it does take a while to like get into these habits. Um, so we do six weeks or 12 weeks. And oftentimes our clients really do feel successful, they feel confident and they feel ready to go on their own after they've finished the program. A lot of times, though, people are like, oh my gosh, like this is so fun and I like it and it's working, and maybe I'm not quite at my goal weight yet. So, like, let's keep going. And so they always have the option to like resign on to begin again. But my goal is always for them to feel like they know a hundred percent what they're doing, especially after those six weeks. Like, okay, I got it. I know what I shouldn't have, I know what I should have, I know what kind of exercise I should be doing. So if they could do it on their own if they wanted to. But again, some people are just beings that need to be held accountable consistently until they hit their goal. And that's totally fine.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and it it's kind of remarkable how much progress you can make. You know, you you struggle for years and years and years and you think it's gonna just take forever. But it's amazing how much progress you can make in six to twelve, especially 12 weeks.
SPEAKER_02:Right.
SPEAKER_00:Um, but even in six, I think people would be surprised if they just stayed consistent for that whole time, that they you will see a noticeable difference that almost always, unless there's some underlying health condition that you discover that needs addressing beforehand or something like that. Right.
SPEAKER_01:Um, and you can, I mean, if you go to Google or Yelp or even on our website, like we have a lot of like reviews on there that you can read through. And then on Instagram, I hang out there, Better Health by Accountability. You can, I mean, I'm always posting what I'm eating, I'm posting the workout I'm doing, I'm posting what I'm doing with my kids.
SPEAKER_00:And so if you want to just like stalk me on there, you're welcome to.com. Is that correct?
SPEAKER_01:Yep, that's correct. But yeah, I mean, and whenever somebody books a call with me, it's I really never put any pressure on them. It's just an informational call because in the beginning of this business, when I would sometimes have people sign up that weren't ready yet. And so I quickly learned that this has to be a choice that you make. And you have to be ready to accept, you know, some um constructive criticism, you know, and be like, you know what, you tell me what to do because what I'm doing right now is not working, you know. And so um, yeah, when we get on the phone, I'm always like, you know, take as much time as you need to think about it because I'm not gonna sit here and sell you into this and then be pulling my hair out trying to get you to actually do something.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I think that's something that that all kinds of coaches learn. Like when you're a brand new coach in either fitness or just life coaching or anything, the the people that aren't ready, you can give them the best advice in the world and they will fight you on it, even though they called you to get advice. And so it really comes down to that there is that moment, and I'm not sure where what causes it. It's different for everybody, but there's that moment when you switch from thinking about it to actually being ready and committed to the process. And then a coach can can help you so much better until that point you'll actually fight against your coach. And so that's that's frustrating for everyone, I think.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, no, and we've had the situations. Most clients are wonderful, and I'm sure you feel the same way. Most of them are wonderful. Every once in a while, you're like, I'm waiting, who who signed up here? Was it you that that wanted help, or did I need to convince you why you know what I mean? So um, but yeah, I'd love to talk to anybody who, you know, wants to do this or wants to just try it out and see what we offer and see if we can help. Because I really enjoy helping people feel better about their body because I know for so many years I hated mine and I didn't want to wear a two-piece, and I just I just felt gross for lack of a better word. And so there's just I feel like we all want long, happy, healthy lives. And so you gotta do it. It's it's never like too late to get started and changing some of your habits, you know, so that you can keep up with your kids or your grandkids or go play pickleball with the neighbors next door or whatever, you know, it's always worth it to work on yourself.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and I I think that you know, you mentioned that about the the body, like we all have those those problem areas. You know, even if we don't have weight that we want to lose, maybe, you know, like I know what mine are, you know, the parts of my body that I just think and so I won't wear certain clothes because those parts of my body will show or whatever. But but that means that every time I'm in my closet getting dressed, there's that little moment of shame. And that's not uh a healthy way to live. It's it's not and it's not a necessary way to live. You know, there's there's solutions. And I liked what you said in the very beginning about, you know, you need to start cooking. You're an adult. We need to act like an adult. And sometimes in the midst of this, we will dissolve as humans into just like a toddler tantrum over these things, honestly. And I've done it, so I'm not judging anybody else. I've certainly done it where, well, why can't I eat that? And it's not fair that that so-and-so down the street looks so gorgeous and she doesn't even have to do anything, and her metabolism is better, and it's not, you know, all of those things. But what I found so years ago, and I've gained a little bit back through some different times in my life, but I in one year span at one point in time, many years ago, while I was having children, I lost 90 pounds. That's a lot. I did. It was a lot of weight that I lost in about a year. So, I mean, I have had that whole experience of how much your life changes. I mean, it everything changed in my life when I did that. Um, but I I started out with all those resentments. And as I started going through the process, a lot of those people that I thought didn't have to do anything, that it just came easy to them and all of this, when they saw what I was doing, they came and talked to me and said, Hey, I like to work out too, or whatever. And we it started conversations. And I found that all these people that I thought had it easier than me didn't. Like all those people that looked really, really fit were exercising and they were eating right and they were doing all the things I was doing. And then it cycled around to where suddenly I was in great shape and people started to say to me, it's not fair that you it's cut it's easier for you. So I I came full circle on that. To where now I understand that honest to goodness, it's the same for everybody. Yeah. You know, you have to grow up in your own mind and accept that we these are the things that we have to do as a grown person to take care of our bodies. Yeah, and it's not like easy.
SPEAKER_01:It's not easy to choose the right choice. It's not easy. Like I set my alarm this morning to go to my workout because I knew that I had XYZ today. And if I didn't do that, it wasn't gonna happen. And I very easily could have said it's Saturday, I'm not gonna set my alarm. But I never ever regret doing that after I'm done, you know? And so it's just it's mentally preparing for it. And I don't want to brush my teeth at night either, and you know, but we do it because we know that we need to. Um yeah, and so it's having that mentality of this is my only body, this is my only chance. You know, you can either live in a body that you hate or you can take steps to heal the one that you do have. Um, and I can tell you there will be more joy in your life, and you know, if you do take care of yourself.
SPEAKER_00:Well, that's my last question for you actually kind of circles around to that question because this podcast is about joy-filled living. So you kind of just answered it, but maybe you can elaborate just a little bit about uh, you know, how does uh taking care of your body, increasing your fitness, increasing your nutrition, and just getting a handle on the adult responsibility of taking care of yourself lead to more joy in your life?
SPEAKER_01:I think that when you're doing that, there you feel like you're more in control of your choices and what you're doing instead of feeling like the victim in your situation. And so that's where the joy comes in, I know for me, and I don't always want to make like the best choice at a restaurant. Or again, I don't always want to go to my workout or this or that, but I know that when I do, I feel better. And I do have days that are not that good, and you know, you'll wake up the next morning like feeling like I can't believe I did that, or I can't believe I ate all that and this and that. But instead of shaming yourself for like for it, my my kids play volleyball, so I always use this example. It's like just reset, like literally wait for the next ball to come over, and you have a choice at the next one. You don't have to just, you know, wait a week or two or six months to be like, okay, I'm gonna actually do it now, because so much can happen within that time. And look how much you lost within that time of actually working on it. So um I just think that there's joy in in being control, in control of your circumstances and feeling freedom with food and being able to enjoy it in in moderation, the way that we're supposed to, instead of that all or nothing mentality.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And I think that along with that, you know, like so that was many years ago, and I have about 30 now that I would like to lose again. Um, and I've done, you know, we do this a little bit, and it's not productive, it's not helpful to beat ourselves up for it. Beating ourselves up gets us nowhere. This is where we're at. And just start over and do that as many times as you need to, because there's not a rule, there's not a punishment, there's there's nothing like that. It's just okay, let's start today. Let's start this hour. I messed, I messed that up. Okay, start over. And you can do that 10 times a day if you need to. Yeah. You know, until you're in the groove again. Because, like you said, once you're in the groove and feel how it feels, it does get easier because you get excited about the results and about how it makes you feel.
SPEAKER_01:And there's always gonna be seasons in someone's life that are harder than other seasons. And you can get into a really good routine and you can be doing the dang thing and you can feel really good, but that doesn't mean that there won't be like a death in the family or something will happen, uh, you know, a loss of a job or whatever this or that, and you get really down on yourself. And that's when I say that you probably need accountability more than ever to because you know, like you said, you know what to do, but sometimes you just need somebody to light a little fire under you to remind you of why you want this, why you want to do this and stuff. And so getting the support when when you know that you need it. Um, because I think all of us have been down this road of okay, I'm gonna start this new diet on Monday. And like, I think even just saying that it's gonna be a diet has like a negative connotation to it. Nobody wants to do that. And so I like to take that word out of this and like, let's just make myself a priority today. And how are we gonna do that? We're gonna eat foods that are good for us, we're gonna eat enough, and you know, we're gonna move and we're gonna drink water and you're gonna do that day in and day out so that you can get to where you wanna be. You know, we all have kind of like that goal number in mind, but I always try to tell people it's really not about the number, it's like how you feel. It's how you feel in your clothes, it's how you feel when you're picking them out. Like, do you dread it, or are you like, oh, I get to pick out this cute glass that I bought at TJ Maxx the other day, you know? And so there's just there's joy that comes from that.
SPEAKER_00:A hundred percent. And I love, love, love that I get to make myself a priority today. That's a beautiful way to live because that will definitely spill over into other areas as well. Well, thank you so, so much for being my guest today, Ashley. I really appreciate it. I know you've inspired me to rethink this last 30 pounds and stop kind of beating myself up and just get going again. And I am going to go to your website, betterhealth by accountability.com, and I encourage other people to do that as well. And and you know, possibly even get on board. I'm right in the middle of moving, so it might be right after I move, and I'm not in such total chaos in my life, generally, but but I know that that accountability could really help me, and I know it could help other people too. So thank you for being here today.
SPEAKER_01:Thank you so much for having me and good luck on your move. And I love what you're doing, and so keep it up because we all need a little bit more joy in our lives. Thank you so much.
SPEAKER_00:Have a great day, everybody. Bye. Thank you for joining me today on the Joy Felicity Podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, please like and share, and come follow me on all major social media sites at JoyFelicity or on my website, joyfelicity.com. You can follow the link in the description for this episode to all of the places that we can connect. Have a great day, everybody, and remember dare to dream, plan to play, live to learn.
