Erik Carpenter - Culture Coach

My guest today is Erik Carpenter. Erik is a culture coach and my dear friend.

We're talking about business culture coaching, believing in your dreams, and stepping into the most authentic version of YOU!

Follow Erik on Instagram:   / erik_the_culture_coach 

Please like and subscribe here, and also visit my links page to see all of the other places we can connect. This is the hub for more information on my website, my coaching program, the podcast, social media and to subscribe to my newsletter. Hope to see you there soon! https://www.joyfulicity.com/links

Transcript

SPEAKER_02: 0:08

Welcome to the Joy Felicity Podcast. I'm your host, Laura Wakefield. My guest today is my good friend Eric Carpenter. I've known Eric for several years now, and he's just such a fun, loving, wonderful person. Every time we get on the phone, it's at least a two to three hour conversation because we just have so much to talk about. We are very like-minded in terms of the way we look at life and the fact that we enjoy coaching and social media and all of those sorts of things. So I'm excited to have him on today. Eric is a culture coach and I believe a personal coach also for people. His primary theme is living an authentic life and living unapologetically. So I'm excited to get into those topics with him. Welcome, Eric. Thanks for being here.

SPEAKER_00: 1:00

Yeah, thank you. I appreciate it. I uh been looking forward to this and following your adventures as well and just uh counting down the moments until we could uh until we could chat again.

SPEAKER_02: 1:11

So this is Well, we talk all the time. So I just today I we're just kind of inviting other people into one of our conversations. So I had never heard of a culture coach before I met you, Eric. Explain to everybody what in the world is culture coach?

SPEAKER_00: 1:25

Okay, so this is really great. I was having a conversation yesterday with someone, because I do, and to your point, I I do uh personal development coaching as well in my position as a culture coach in the organization that I'm in, which is a small or medium-sized construction company in Northeast Ohio. And so I do personal development coaching for our entire team. Um and I take everyone through a series of set of assessments, uh, personality assessments, so they get to know themselves better. We identify their strengths, and then we walk them through their personal why. And one of the things that we're really focusing on right now is if you could do anything you wanted and there were no obstacles or limits, what would you do? That's a whole different topic and for a different podcast, but to see people's reactions and to help them navigate that is a I mean, it's mind-blowing and it's fun, it's great. Anyway, so I do personal development coaching and I'm doing culture coaching.

SPEAKER_02: 2:24

So is that mostly focused on their position at the job or on their life?

SPEAKER_00: 2:29

Okay, so it's wrecking people's, it's kind of wrecking people's um world at work, somewhat our leadership team as well as the individual, because typically, and this is my mindset about in this school, tie this into unapologetically you. I like to take the playbook and the thing that is said you have to do it this way. And I always love just evaluating it because sometimes that playbook needs to be destroyed. Sometimes it just needs to be tweaked, and then sometimes it needs to be eradicated. And so um the reason I'm I'm going this route is because like when I'm talking to them, I've had to ask myself that same question. Like, what would I do if I could do anything I wanted? And so I'm gonna take you back just a little bit, and this is the long answer to a short question.

SPEAKER_02: 3:14

No, absolutely. I'm I'm interested to hear it.

SPEAKER_00: 3:16

Okay, so in 2016, I'm living in Atlanta. Um, and I the my partner that I was with at the time, uh, she and I were talking one day, and and I was kind of complaining about the job I was doing. I was doing some consulting for a small startup in Atlanta. I was doing business consulting and business um somewhat culture, but it was really a kind of a list of things that I was helping them with. And I just kept bumping into pushback, just kept getting pushback, pushback. And so I was kind of complaining. And my partner at the time, she said, if you could do anything, what what do you want to do? And I thought, well, I kind of know what I want to do. I think I'm doing it. I'm just getting this pushback. Um so I decided to go on a run. So I'm on the run. I can still see where I am on this trail. I'm in Kirkwood, right, little neighborhood, right outside of Atlanta. And I stopped on the trail, paused the workout, took out my phone, and wrote this tiny manifesto about what I wanted. And it was basically, I wanted to work with people who valued my strengths and what I brought to the table. I wanted to work with like-minded people who believe that the human potential is infinite and that we can have whatever we want. I wanted to work in a place where individuals were valuing one another instead of wanting to duplicate themselves. They were actually like valuing the other person's differences in what they brought to the table. There was a lot more, but that's just kind of a uh snapshot. And so I take it back, I show it to my partner, and she says, This job does not exist. No one will ever pay to do this, and you need to get your head out of the clouds, right? And I'm like, but I felt it so strongly, it was very much in alignment with who I was, with my personality and what I wanted to do in the world. And so I just held it open-handed and continued to just go about my life, but yet revisited this thing. I had added it to my evidence journal that life just works out. And so I added it to that and I would go through and I'd visit it, and I would sit and imagine myself doing this thing that I wanted to do. Well, then we moved forward to 2018. I moved to Northeast Ohio. Um, that's a again, that's a whole, a very long and beautiful story. I end up in Northeast Ohio, and I end up talking to an owner of an organization, and he began to share his heart for his organization. And I could not believe what I was hearing because I was like, I've never met anyone who articulated it the way he did. And then that was really so like-minded. So it really was intriguing. And then probably three or four months later, we met again. He was continuing to um grow in his desire and vision for what he wanted for the company and was more committed. And so he offered me a job and I took it. When I shared with him what I wanted to do, he was like, write out your job description. You can do whatever you want for the company. And so what I'm doing today is I we created the position called the culture coach. That was your original question. What is the culture coach? We created the position. It's a made-up word, but it goes to prove that there are things that we want in our lives that we've never seen done before or modeled, or we've been told it can't be done. And but it's it's that little seed that's inside of us. And if we trace back that seed, it's usually if we can see all the areas where we've been doing this thing, right? But we many times we we walk away with this belief that I can't have what I want because of the city I live in, the job I work at, the man, the woman, the situation, the dog, whatever. Well, I can't have what I really want. And so I'm starting to push back on that a little bit and just say, well, what if you could have that thing that you really want? So that's how I ended up where I'm at. I mean, the position I'm in, we've created it. And I wrote about it. And so I believe you can have what you want. And so a culture coach, um, my on a like a the a day in the life of a culture coach would be I um I get to do personal development coaching, like I said. Um when the company is growing or making choices and decisions or introducing processes and procedures and things like that, um, I sit in on all those meetings just to ask the right questions. Is this in alignment with our values? Is this in alignment with our vision? Does this fit into our why? Why do we exist? And does this fit into that why? How is it going to affect the team? How is it going to affect them not just monetarily, but how is it going to affect them, you know, emotionally and mentally? And um, so that's just bits and pieces, a little bit of what I do. Um, create leadership development programs. Um, we take all of our people through uh, like I said, roadmaps. That's something that uh that we created in-house. Uh again, not familiar with if anybody else is doing it, not that it matters or not that that's super special, but it's just different.

SPEAKER_02: 8:30

And well, I actually love that that your partner said this job doesn't exist. And she was right. It didn't. It didn't. So you just said, well, that's not gonna stop me. I'm just gonna go create it then. And I I love that. I love it.

SPEAKER_00: 8:44

Yeah, yeah. And so I love the idea of uh, you know, the no limits. And so my my personal why is I exist to awaken, communicate, and promote freedom from limitations. And that's not to say that people do not have that there are not external things and internal belief systems that will sometimes impede our growth or hold us back from the thing that we really, really want.

unknown: 9:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 9:09

And so, sure, this hasn't been just, you know, that the easiest journey, but it's that internal work that we're doing that begins to um that begins to show up in a way that's so amazing and beautiful and and does impact and affect our external, um, our external world and the external forces that are kind of at play in our life.

SPEAKER_02: 9:31

Well, that kind of leads into kind of our primary topic for this, which was unapologetic living and living in authenticity essentially, but without apology. And what does that mean? Because you know, you hear that a lot these days, authenticity. We want authenticity in the world. And so it's kind of a catchphrase that's really popular right now. But what when you hear that, what does that mean to you to live authentically?

SPEAKER_00: 9:58

Yeah, that's good. Um, I thought about this a lot. Um, and since you and I have been talking, and I and we've talked about this before, but I'll just for our viewers here and our listeners. So at the company I'm at, we have a chief of staff. And um, she came into my office one day and she brings this picture and it's hanging behind the over here above my desk. Be unapologetically you. And I thought, well, this is really nice. What why? Why why are you giving me this? And she began to talk about how that my presence in the organization that I would show up in a way that I just was me. And I just didn't really care what people thought or how they felt. Um, now let's just hold pause on that. There is a framework to being unapologetically used. And so we will talk about the authenticity thing as well. Um, the framework is it it to me, it has to be bathed and framed in this idea of love, right? I I still I have to come at it from a place of love, of kindness, compassion, and do no harm. Like those are the principles that I live by. And so me being unapologetically me is always going to be framed out of that. Is this loving? Am I being kind? Because we also live in a world, um, and I feel bad for everyone in Karen, because I know that I'm not all Karen's are poor Karen.

unknown: 11:25

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 11:26

Poor Karen. But that idea of I'm just gonna say what I want to say and I'm just gonna be, that's just me. I'm just speaking my mind. I'm just that isn't necessarily like some people are like, no, I'm just me, I'm just being me. And like, yeah, that's you, but you're really it's maybe just rude.

SPEAKER_02: 11:42

Maybe just you know, yes, because sometimes people can use this authentic, unapologetic thing as an excuse for being a jerk, you know? Like so, you know, that is kind of something that I think people hide behind sometimes for that. And that's kind of why I was kind of saying, you know, like what does it really mean at its heart? I don't think it means just coming out guns, blazes to offend everybody inside on purpose and you know, not care what other people, you don't care what other people think, but you still care about other people and you don't want to hurt them.

SPEAKER_00: 12:17

Right. And that exactly. And so being being unapologetically you, and the way I've framed it again, is I I am always going to show up with love, kindness, and do no harm. And so you ask the question, what does it mean to be authentic? And I think first we have to know who we are. I think we have to know, like, what are my like what are my triggers and what are my what am I feeling? And and am I really uh comfortable with my feelings? And am I comfortable with, am I comfortable in my own skin? And and as I was thinking this morning before we uh before this, as a child, I was very much me. Like I had no problem. And children don't have a problem being who they are, right? They will show up with big imagination and and I can really, as a small child, just having just a vivid imagination and really being different. And then I began to get a message um from my family unit, tribe, whatever, when I was probably six, seven, eight, that it wasn't all right to be me. It that was not okay.

SPEAKER_01: 13:23

Start when you were young, yeah. It does.

SPEAKER_00: 13:26

That my being different, and when I say different, so I was just I loved life. I loved um, I was a happy child living in not a super happy environment, but I was happy. And I was happy by myself, I was happy with others. Um, I just was lighthearted and uh loved to sing and and love to act and build forts and do all the things, right? I I just can remember being me and then hearing these words of you need to grow up or you you can't just that, you know, this imagination thing, it's time to get real. And so I went through a a long phase. And I think back over that phase of really not knowing who I was, because I began to morph into what was expected of me and really lost myself. And I just really became a kind of an angry, I I will never forget, uh, in my 20s, I was just, I was a jerk. Like a I tell people all the time, like, you would not know the person I was when I was late teens, um, twenties, and even into my 30s. I was just a real, I mean, that's not a really nice way to say, but I was a jerk. Um, wasn't happy, negative, very negative, very pessimistic. And and I I think back to those days, and I thought about this a lot. It's just, I just wasn't comfortable in my skin and didn't know who I was, and felt like I was having to act and pretend all the time because I had been told that who I was wasn't okay. And and I know it seems simple, like, so you're saying that being happy, your family told you that being happy and and you know, having great vision and having great like ideas and things like that, they said that was wrong. Well, you hear that message in a lot of different ways, right? So I would hear things like, you think you're better than us. No, I don't, I don't think I'm better than you. I I just I love to read, I love to learn. Or um, I like fashion at a very young age. And so I got called all the names, right? You're you're just, you know, you like fashion, you like fabric, or you like color, you're just a sissy, right? I just thought that was the message I received. And it was looked at negatively. And so, you know, love, safety, and belonging being our highest need, I need to make sure that I'm fitting into this family unit. So I'm gonna morph and edit myself to do that. I think that affected me all those years of all this when I talked about the pessimism and negativity, um, is that really affected me, I think, the most. And that was what was influencing that, how I was showing up. And so I probably was in my 40s, and it's I don't know if it was I went to a Coldplay concert. Um, this seems weird, right? I went to a I went to a Coldplay concert. And then I went to a Coldplay concert. Uh, I'll never forget it, 2010, uh, Charlotte, North Carolina. And I just, I don't know, it was something that Chris Martin did and the for the whole concert. Is you could tell he just did not care. He was having the best time. He was having, he was just, he didn't mind being like whimsical and happy and and running around and just his whole like demeanor was just, I'm just me. I'm just here and I'm just having a happy time. And I'm really happy that all you people are here. And I that has never left me. And so I think I took that attitude back, and I'll never forget just I changed the way I dressed. Not I didn't dress like Chris Martin, but I dressed the way I wanted to dress that I had been told was too much, too extra. Like you need to calm down, right? You need to calm. That's a Taylor Swift song, right? You need to calm down.

SPEAKER_02: 17:16

You need to fit in, you need to be like everybody else. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 17:20

Gotta be like everybody else. And so I decided, no, I'm not. I'm gonna be me. I'm gonna show up as me. And had a conversation with my family, and was like, hey, I have also like imposed this attitude and this energy on you do. I want, we're gonna, we're gonna rip all that away. It wasn't okay. I apologized, I can see where it was coming from, but we're just gonna be us. We're just we're gonna live our life, we're gonna have the best life, we're gonna love each other, and we're going to be unapologetically who we are. So that kind of, for me, that brought so much confidence into my life. And um, I just begin to show I and it so much changed around how I the I begin to see the imagination come awake. I began to see the the whimsy show back up, the fun and the playfulness and that kind of thing. And so I don't know. And that's I think that I don't know if I answered your question. You said how do you describe it?

SPEAKER_02: 18:21

Absolutely. Well, and the interesting thing that I kind of am taking from that is that when you were not being authentic, you were being a jerk. You were being very negative, and all of that was spilling out on the people around you. And when you started to to live authentically, happiness and whimsy started to show up for the people around you too. And that's a really important point because I think one of the biggest things that holds us back sometimes from living authentically is just this this idea that it's selfish. If you're doing things for yourself and to build yourself and to, you know, to be different and unique, that this is selfish somehow. And it's a very ingrained idea in our society. And it's important to point out sometimes that actually not, because whatever spirit you're bringing into a room is infecting everybody else that's in it.

SPEAKER_00: 19:16

Oh yeah. So true. I had someone tell me long ago, they were like, I can walk, because they were a very peaceful person. They were like, it just it just oozed from them, like they exuded peace. And he he said, I can walk into a room and I can take the if it if this if it's a charged room or or if it's charged in a negative way, he's like, I just have this gift. And he understood who he was. And he wasn't meaning meaning it arrogantly or anything like that, or with pride. He was like, I can walk into a room and I can just take that temperature down so that everyone can breathe. And I thought, well, that really is a gift. And um so yes, it's uh yeah, that you're right. Your your energy is is just continuously flowing out and it is changing the environment around you, either for good, bad, or you know.

SPEAKER_02: 20:07

Right. So it's absolutely not selfish to do the things that bring joy out of you because all that joy is going to be all around you for everybody else that's in your company as well.

SPEAKER_00: 20:18

Yeah. Um, to your point about um it being looked at as selfish, that has been something that has come up for me. I've had that people say, Well, you just do whatever you want. But they didn't mean it. They didn't mean it as a compliment. They were like, You, you, you just you don't care what people think. And I'm like, well, again, I'm framing my choices and decisions are coming through that filter of, is this loving? Is this kind? Is there compassion? And am I harming anyone? And if I can answer appropriately to those questions, then I am going to move forward. And I'm really not going to that way, it I mean, it framing it that way, you don't, the question isn't what is somebody going to think? What are they gonna think if I do this? How are they gonna react? I I lived my life that way for so long. And it was so limiting and it created such a small person, an angry small person. But again, we're framing it through the right priorities or the right motives or the right um values. But I grew up in the church, right? I grew up as in a fundamentalist evangelical environment my whole life. And so we were also taught that your feelings didn't matter and that your emotions, you need to control those emotions and control those feelings at every turn. If you're angry, stifle it. If you're happy, measure it, monitor it, keep it low. Oh, you're proud of yourself, you need to go to prayer time. I mean, it was such a um, and that was my experience. And I know that there can be so many wonderful experiences in uh organized religion, but for me, it didn't go great.

SPEAKER_02: 21:59

And so um I had a similar experience. I think some do. And if you're very sensitive, you're going to take all those messages. Like some people have a better ability to filter a message and say, I'm not listening to that. I move on with their life. And some of us internalize everything. Yeah. So when something like that is said from the pulpit, you need to not be so prideful. You need to not be so, you know, don't live so big because that's prideful. Whatever it is, you know, like we take that all into our heart and our, you know, our body and and start to live from that. And and it's and very uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_00: 22:33

Yeah. So one of the things that I've I've done for probably intentionally started doing in around 2000 was I started asking why. Um why do I do this? Why do I believe this? Where did this come from? We've all heard the story about the kid who is at his grandparents' house or where he's at, he knows it's like a family thing, a try I say Thanksgiving, right? And so his mom's putting this ham in a pan, and but she cuts the ends of the ham off. I guess it's the can ham. I don't know. Just go with the story. But she cuts off the ends because whatever she was putting in the pan didn't fit. And so she cut the ends off and put it in the pan. And then he asked her, Why do you do that? And she goes, Because that's what that's what your grandma always did. And so he went and asked his grandma, he said, Why did why did you do that? And she goes, Because the pan that I had at the time, we couldn't afford a bigger pan. I just had a smaller pan. And so all you need to do is get a bigger pan, right? I know that seems silly, but there's so many things that we do, and we do it because we were either either told it was the way to do it, or we were ashamed in doing it a different way that we really felt in alignment with, or we were judged for the way we were doing it. And so we just conform, again, conform, edit, or morph into what somebody else's idea of who we are supposed to be. And Socrates and Aristotle and all the great Greek philosophers said that a life unexamined is not worth living. And they also said that to know yourself is to know others better. So we really should be this journey of knowing who we are is so important. And there are so many great ways to do that. Um, but yeah, I think that if we understand ourselves and we frame things through those lenses of this, does this my value system? Is this in alignment with who I am? And um I think that it begins, those other voices can begin to quiet a bit, and then we can start discovering. And that discovery is a beautiful, like a treasure hunt when you're discovering you and who you are and how you show up. And why do I do this and why do I enjoy this? I think that that journey is just one of the most important things that we can do for ourselves.

SPEAKER_02: 24:46

And where does somebody start with that? Because, you know, you think to yourself, well, I want to start living authentically, but like you touched on earlier, often you don't know yourself very well anymore. For for whatever reason, you've kind of edited, and I love that phrase. I heard that first from you years ago, actually, and have used it a lot since, that you've edited yourself into this version of a person that is you, but it's it's not at the same time. And so, you know, just live authentically all of a sudden, we can turn around, especially in midlife, and realize I don't even know what my authentic self looks like. I was filling out a form one time at a women's meeting, and I actually started crying and I had to kind of excuse myself because I'm filling out this form. I was about 44, 45, something like that, recently divorced, and and the questions were like, what are your hobbies? What do you like to do? What you know, all these things about getting to know you kind of thing. And I didn't know the answers. I thought, well, I I know what I used to like to do before I had kids.

SPEAKER_03: 25:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 25:55

I know what I liked when I was a teenager, I but I didn't know anymore. And that was so disconcerting. So where does somebody start?

SPEAKER_00: 26:04

Yeah. Thank you. That's a great and I I'll share an experience. Um what like what you're talking about. Same just uh for myself, uh this is probably 2008 or so. I um had a friend who was a coach in Savannah, and she kept saying, um, we need to I'd love to do this personality assessment for you. And I was like, no, I don't want to do that. I I'm I'm happy with I'm happy with who I am. I don't I don't need to um I don't and then she would say, Well, do you uh and she would always give me these um she'd give me back in back in the day, right? We had our CD cases, our massive CD cases carried around. Thank you, Steve Jobs, for changing the world. Um, so um she would hand me these leadership CDs and she'd go, You're you're just a natural leader. And I was like, I am not a leader. I'm not a leader. I don't, I don't know how, and I don't want to do it. I don't want to be responsible. And she's like, No, I'm telling you, you you are a leader. And she'd give me these. I never listened to any of them. I will tell you that. I never listened to not one of them. And so, but over time, you know, we built room for. I trusted her. And so I brought her, I I engaged her services as a coach, and she recommended a personality assessment. And there's a number of different assessments out there. There's Myers Briggs and Enneagram, and I did one called the Elements Assessment, and it it worked really great for me because it just touched into those creative sides of who I am and how I like to like how I think. And so did this assessment and I just wept. I I could not believe what I was reading because I thought I was broken for so many years. I thought I was broken and I wasn't enough. Like I thought, no, why can't I be more organized? Why can't I be less out there? Like I'm I'm I'm in a constant state of jazz hands, right? Why did why can't I put my hands in my pockets and just be normal?

SPEAKER_02: 28:08

And just calm down.

SPEAKER_00: 28:09

Yeah. Just calm down. Right. And may I say, I've eliminated I I've I've the word normal is like back in the day, the F word, I would not ever say it because it was the taboo word. Now it's um, I'm kidding. But I I have no problem with it. But anyway, but the word normal is the new F word for me. Like, what is normal? What are we calling normal? Like, no, that there's no normal. And so, like, you are who you are, and you're created beautifully and designed eloquently and amazing, have these great giftings and and dreams and power. And there's so much inside of us, right? And so, um, but I had been told I was not enough or that I was broken, and I believed it, and I always doubted how I showed up. And I would literally say to people, I don't trust myself in this moment. I don't trust how I'm showing up. So you just make the decision. I don't know what to do. Now, there are moments, like I know when I'm not gifted at something and when I'm not strong in an area. So I'm happy to say, you know what? I don't have a clue about this. So I'm just gonna let you, you let me know what you think, but I will let them, I don't give my power to someone, but I trust them. And so I'm going to engage what they know. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_02: 29:29

That's important because authenticity isn't arrogance.

SPEAKER_00: 29:32

Right, right.

SPEAKER_02: 29:33

It's it's coming to understand our our own strengths and our own weaknesses. I think that's part of authenticity is confronting those two.

SPEAKER_01: 29:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 29:42

And then being comfortable with it and being able to admit, I you know what? And what does that do for someone else? When you engage their strengths, you've just valued that person. Like you've just seen them. They can feel seen. However, I had grown up believing all this these lies about myself. And so when I take this assessment and I begin to read about Who I am and these things that are are very much on like, oh my God, yes, that's how oh that exactly mind blown. Yeah. And then I was like, I want to do more of this. What else can I do? And she turned me on to Clifton's Strength Finders uh 2.0. And so you can get the book, you can go online. There's a Clifton's website. It's called uh it's Gallup Clifton's um strength finders, is what it is. It's through the Gallup Company you know, Gallup polls and stuff like that. And so I did the assessment around strength finders. And again, I'm reading that my top five strengths, and every single one of those strengths I was told was a weakness and was a problem my whole life, not just from my family, but from the tribe and the people that I did life with. Now, it's important to understand, Laura, that you know, Maslow said that the hierarchy of needs, that that hierarchy of needs includes love, safety, and belonging. Our desire in our brain is constantly trying to keep us safe and keep us engaged and in community because it knows that we can't make it on our own. Right. And so we're in a group of people who are saying, don't do that. That's not okay. Now I'm not talking about inappropriate things. I'm just talking about being yourself. Right. And they're thinking, calm down, don't be so loud, don't be so don't do that, don't do that, don't do this. Or you start hearing that message. And so you think, okay, well, in order to be in this tribe, I need to, I need to fit in. And so I'm gonna do these things. And so, like my top five strengths, I will share them. Number one is activator. A person who has an activator is getting stuff done. They just get stuff done. Um, but it can appear in an unhealthy way as being impulsive. My whole life, no matter what I did, whether I was starting a business or whether I was buying a new house or whatever, I was being called impulsive always. You're just impulsive. You're too quick, you make decisions too fast. You're new, but all my decisions were very methodical, and then I acted. Once I made my decision, I act. That's what activators do. You were futurative. I was decisive. Yeah. Yes. And so I'd get called in, you're intimidating, or you're, you're being, you're, you're bowling up, whatever. The second one is futuristic. So I think in a way that's down the road. I see from 30,000 feet above, I'm looking at what's ahead and what's next. So I always got called, Eric, get your head out of the clouds. You're always thinking about the future. You're always thinking about what's next. Just stop and get your head out of the clouds. Like that's not possible. Remember the comment? That job doesn't exist. You can never do that. That was my futuristic strength kicking in.

SPEAKER_02: 32:43

So I get told, or I've been told, um, why can't you just be content? Just can't you just be content with what and then you feel, oh, maybe I'm just being discontented. Rather than I have a lot of big dreams. And I'm excited. It's all about how you frame it and say it.

SPEAKER_03: 32:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 33:00

But there are people in your life that will frame it negatively.

SPEAKER_00: 33:04

Negatively, right. So we're I went through my other ones. So uh ideation, and I can tell you I have a hundred ideas a day. Uh a hundred. Most of them are crap, but I have a lot of ideas. Lots of ideas. I've started multiple businesses. They did really well. I've sold multiple businesses. The job that I'm doing right now was cut, it was birthed out of not just futuristic uh thinking, but ideation. It was an idea. Um intellection is the other one. I love reading. I am like a sponge. I consume information, both both, you know, uh uh auditory and visually. Like I love taking in information. I love reading, I love researching. And so I was told my whole life that you think you're better than us because you know these things. Oh, you read this and you know this, so you just think you're better. Why do you have to what who cares about that information? I'm like, this is important information. You should know this information. This is really good stuff. And you always get like, oh, you just so anyway, that was the message I received from that. Um, and then learner. And so again, with learner, just reading, like to take in the information, like to, you know, just I have a uh I'm pretty good at um trivial pursuit, or I used to be when that was a popular game. Because I just know random facts about random things. Um, but those the point of that is is I was always told those were weaknesses or that there was a problem, but they were actually things that were part of. Now, of course, each of these things has a has a healthy uh average and an unhealthy side. Sure. And I could definitely be unhealthy at times in these strengths. But when I understood what those strengths were, then I could see how to show up. Well, how did these strengths show up in a healthy way? And then I could just start making those small changes. And it's changed my life. So when you say, how do you start? Know yourself. There are plenty of assessments that are amazing. Right now, we focus on the Enneagram and we love that. And I have Enneagram coaches that I work with. Um, I help people unpack their Enneagram. And then we um and then through strength finders, just it's just a good snapshot. And what I like to say is your personality profile results are lived out through your strength finders. It's like if I in the Enneagram, I'm a seven, which is an enthusiast. A seven is, again, pretty futuristic, pretty creative, um, very, you know, they're very bubbly, very out there, like um, loves to engage people, loves to, I call it spin a room, walk into a room and just make sure everyone feels like they've been seen, engaged with, that they're having a good time. Do you need eyes? What's that music? Okay, let's change this. Let's do, and so that's very much who I am. But when I look at my strengths, I'm like, yeah, the activator, the um, the futuristic, the that that those pieces are showing up throughout the the Enneagram. So that's how I um that's my recommendation, though I'm not selling anything. Um, I the package that I like to use for our people and and for my clients is we start with the Enneagram, we unpack it, um, it gives a just a wealth of information. So you could go as deep into that as you want. There's multiple books, or what I like to do is just kind of do a um a package. So that kind of uh the what I find is probably the most effective, or that's going to be the best launching off. And so I'll put together a little package for that. And then with strength finders, we go through that, and then I do like just a one-page explanation of that strength, and then recommend that people go and just just read about, I mean, yeah, get to know yourself, read about who you are, and and then from there, um, we start walking through the why. Like, why do you exist? Why are you here? And um, there's so many studies right now, and I'm switching a little bit, but um, the whole shortage of employees right now, people who don't want to work, right? That's what we keep hearing. And what we're understanding in today's um economy, in today's workplace, people want to know what's the meaning behind this? What does this mean? What do I bring to the table? And so there is a movement now of people wanting to know who they are, understand how they tick, understand your, I mean, if you understand your your trauma and you understand your triggers, then you just know what to navigate and how to navigate in a much more healthy and informed way. So um, yeah, there's so many benefits to just starting that journey of getting to know who you are. So I guess if we were to say to to put this in a sentence, to be able to live unapologetically in a healthy way, you would start by getting to know who you are.

SPEAKER_02: 37:53

Yeah.

unknown: 37:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 37:54

Which, you know, that sounds like such a simple question, but really, like you said, it's kind of a lifetime pursuit because as we go along through life, we change, we grow. And that sometimes can cause problems in personal relationships because when you start making changes, not everybody loves that because they're used to you the way that you've always been. And you may have been extremely sincere in that 15 years ago or 20 years ago, but life has changed, you've had new experiences, you're different, you've changed. And so, you know, within interpersonal relationships, living this way is it's sometimes going to ruffle some feathers in your little circle around you. Sometimes you need a whole new circle if the changes are real dramatic and people won't accept that. But on the flip side, I think it's really important for us to remember that as we watch other people that we love going through these discoveries in their life, to be so, so careful not to be that wet blanket on top of their dreams.

SPEAKER_03: 38:57

Right.

SPEAKER_02: 38:57

And not to send those messages. Because that was one question that I had for you that we've touched on briefly, but like where do these apologies come from? Because we do this impulsively. I've I've talked about this before on another podcast, but the apology is almost like a knee-jerk reaction now. We say sorry for everything we think and feel and want. We say sorry if somebody will cut us off in traffic and we'll be like, oh, sorry. They did that. You didn't even do that. You know, so these apologies they run really deep, but they're so not instinctive, but they're just very natural reactions that have developed. Where do these where does that start? Because you said earlier we're not that way as kids. We want to be an astronaut and a rock star. You know, we and nobody says you can't do that to a little kid. They say, Oh, isn't that cute? Here's a costume. Let's play protect about that, right? And then you get to maybe 10 or 11, and people start saying, Well, you know, maybe that's not worth the realistic. And then by the time you're 18, it's like, don't even think about that.

SPEAKER_00: 40:05

Right. Yes. So the the way the brain, the way that we're wired is when you're born, you've got your, you've got uh, you know, you are born with no subconscious. You just have a conscience. And I'm getting into like a little bit of brain science here, and I'm not by no means am I an expert. I just, this is a very cursory explanation. So we are a sponge. As a baby, as a child, even in the mother's womb, we are a sponge. And we are taking in the energy, we are taking in the things that we hear. It is all information that's coming. So when we're born, up until the from our infancy, up to the age of five, again, we are forming a subconscious. And that subconscience is basically it's those motor skills, it's those things that we'd now do very naturally. But prior to that, we just see the world in a very different way. And we're taking it all in and we're responding and reacting to what's happening around us. And so as that subconscience is being built and as it's developing, basically around the age of five or six, we start getting that message that we, that safety message. And so the message is uh that it's the input from our environment. So whether that's your religious background or your educational, whatever that group is, or whatever the family unit is, or or whatever the friend circle is, we start taking in all that information and we start building the messages. Like we're taking those building blocks and we're creating the messages. Sometimes the message wasn't what we thought it was, but we heard it the way we heard it. And so we we built that it basically you're building a neuropathway. And so you're building these neuropathways in your mind in your mind, and you're giving that neuropathway the information and you're saying, hey, don't forget, don't say that. And we don't talk about this and we don't act that way because again, safety is important, love is important, and belonging is important. So make sure you're fitting in. And so um, I think that and not that's what I think of when I think of where are these apologies coming from. Like, why are we apologizing for things? Um, why do we feel like we need to apologize? And I think it's it continues to be that need that uh-oh, I'm getting outside the lines here. I'm coloring with a different color. I'm I crossed it, and and I'm talking about being rude crossing the line or inappropriate. I'm talking about like just being yourself you have now crossed. Right. And one that it's funny because one of the biggest things you that I've heard and the people that I've worked with, the the message they've always received, or the one of the main messages receive, is when you do something that's not within the confines of your tribe, that the first message you hear is you're extra, you're too much, you're too much, you're too big, you want too much. You bel you you just you're out, you know. And so those messages are because it's a threat, like you said. It ends up being a threat to the system. And I have seen that in so many, so many situations in my life where my choice and decision to do something that is in alignment with who I am, and it is framed in the framework that I've built around kindness and do no harm. Um, I step into those things. I'm sorry, I'm having it's just I'm thinking of all the times this has come up. I look at them and I think, my God, they're so silly. But it was a threat to their apathy. It was a threat to their uh homeostasis and to their complacency. And it meant, oh, I might have to change or I should change. Well, it's easier for me to rip them down, tear them down, and attack them than it is for me to deal with my own stuff.

SPEAKER_02: 43:56

And if you might be assuming that you're judging them now because you're doing something differently. That could be and be coming at it from a defensive place, even if you're not like just because you change doesn't necessarily mean that you think everybody that's still doing what you used to do is you know, is bad. It's just it's not for you anymore.

SPEAKER_00: 44:17

Right. And and I think your to your point, and this again, uh how much time do we have?

SPEAKER_02: 44:21

Uh we're getting there. But go ahead.

SPEAKER_00: 44:25

So to your point, and this is a really important point, um, if I change what's gonna happen to my relationships, what's gonna happen to my interpersonal relationship, my partner, my spouse, my mom and dad, these people that I do life with, what's gonna happen? And you have to evaluate that for yourself. And you have to decide if it is is it worth it to remain? I don't want to say small because I uh that feels negative. But it's inauthentic. Inauthentic. Great. Is it is it just easier to remain inauthentic? Is it is it safer? Is it um is it easier than actually stepping into like who I could be fully? Um and I've lost relationships. No doubt. I have I have lost relationships, I have um, I've grown, right? And I'll say to people in my life, like, listen, I'm I'm on this journey and I'm I'm constantly, I call it the gingivitis of my soul, where I'm like the dental hygienist with the little pig thing, and I'm constantly picking away all the gingivitis of my soul so that I can have the cleanest teeth. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03: 45:37

Anyway, you get it, right?

SPEAKER_00: 45:38

And so that I can continue to just have healthy, a healthy soul.

SPEAKER_01: 45:43

And so sometimes that well, when you use that imagery, it does kind of make you see those things differently when you see them as gingivitis.

SPEAKER_02: 45:52

It's like, yeah, well, get them out. I I don't want that in my life anymore.

SPEAKER_00: 45:56

I don't I don't do that piece of broccoli in my soul. So get that broccoli out of my soul. And so um, when I uh I have been in relationships where I've said to people like, hey, this is happening and I'm growing, and they and it's natural progression. Sometimes there's never a conversation that has to happen. You don't have to have one an awkward, uncomfortable. It's just one day you turn around and it's like, oh, they're not here anymore. Okay, well, or you that you don't get the response from the text, you don't get the phone call response. And I I mean I've had family members that and partners that it just we were there have been times when one was growing and the other wasn't. There have been times when I've been with people, we were growing at the same pace. And then I like to think of it in the sense of we got to Chicago and metaphorically speaking, and I was going to Portland, Maine, and they were going to Portland, Oregon. And but we were both going to Portland. Just different that has different yeah, that's happened in my life.

SPEAKER_01: 46:52

And then it's hurt. I mean, that it's important to acknowledge that that's that can be painful, you know.

SPEAKER_02: 46:59

So it's it's not like stepping into living unapologetically or authentically is without struggle because suddenly you are taking responsibility for all the things that you're meant to do in your destiny. And yeah, you might alter relationships or status quo that is comfortable for you. So on the flip side of that, then what's the consequence of not doing that?

SPEAKER_00: 47:22

Right.

SPEAKER_02: 47:22

And that's the that's the other question, you know?

SPEAKER_00: 47:27

And that's the question you have to ask. And this is why I learned I talked about earlier about evaluating. And I do this on the I'm consistently and constantly doing this evaluation about why do I do the what I do, why do I believe what I believe, and what else could be true. And so I'm committed to living the fullest life I can live within my framework. I'm committed to extracting every ounce of juice out of this grape called life that I can. Um and it it would just, for me, the alternative of being small or being or editing or morphing is death. It feels like dying inside. And I've been there and I've just committed that I will not do that uh again. And so um on the flip side, when you know, this is what I was thinking when you were talking about the dangers of this, right? Or the the fear, because it can strike fear. And it's funny, I was I follow a uh, she's called the mindful therapist, I think, or the mindful relations. I don't know, it's on Instagram. And she was uh she had a caption of the day and it was so good. And it was the fear that strikes uh a person when they're growing, right? The fear that I'm butchering this, but in your relationship, if your partner sees you growing and they they're choosing not to, they do become afraid because they do realize that I'm gonna lose this person, they're gonna outgrow me. So I don't ever want to grow based on fear. I don't want to grow because I'm afraid someone's gonna leave, but I want to enjoy the journey with them. I want to go on the adventure also, because this growth, it isn't adventure. It is like a treasure hunt. So if you can, you know, for those who are listening, if you and you haven't used your imagination in whatever long, if you could just sit and think and and and just think about what it was like when you were a kid and how you was, how it was easy to slip into imagination world and an imaginary place, just imagine the treasure hunt. You know, I think of Johnny Depp, you know, on the black pearl, and he's on a treasure hunt and he's always hunting the treasure, right? And I think of this growth and the our evolution as a treasure hunt. And I want to be on it all the time. Um, to the people who think I could not do this because I would lose this individual, what this relationship might go away. I can only say to you that there are, there are those are possibilities. Um, but the water, come on in, the water's fine. It it there is safety in it. And um, you know, we don't like to take chances a lot of times because we're afraid. Um, but I think of it like this, Laura. Like I'm holding onto a rope, and the rope is hanging over a cliff, and the cliff is jagged at the top, and the rope is beginning to fray, and it's fraying and fraying, and it's a drop to my death if this rope breaks. And so, but there's another rope, and it's just I can't reach it. Like I can't put my hand out and naturally reach it. So I've got to, I'm gonna have to like leap and jump and let this fraying rope go. But so many times we'll hold on to a fraying rope, a fraying relationship, a fraying job, a fraying whatever, because it's representing safety in this moment. But it really is not our future. And our future is that rope that's right there, that fresh new rope. But I'm gonna have to make a jump to get it. And I'll get it. It's gonna happen. I'm going to grab the rope. And so I'm just inviting people to let go of the fraying rope and jump over to this new fresh rope, this new, fresh way of thinking.

SPEAKER_02: 51:11

And the amazing thing is once you start, like you can start maybe with something really small that's not terribly threatening, just some small change, like like in a new outfit in your closet that suits you more than most of the stuff you're wearing. It can be something very simple like that, you know, that maybe we never have worn anything like that because well, I'm a mom and moms don't wear that, or I'm too old for that, or that's too bright, or whatever. Just start with something as simple as that. And what's funny is when you feel that feeling of how that feels to be yourself, it's a it's a bit contagious and it does start to kind of grow from there. So I have one more question for you, but before I ask it, tell everybody how they find you if they want to connect with it.

SPEAKER_00: 51:59

So I am on Instagram and it's A E C 65. Um, Facebook is Eric Carpenter, Eric with a K E R I K Carpenter. Um, or email is Eric Carpenter48 at gmail.com. I don't really have a description for the podcast also so people can um I have a professional side, but because I'm with this organization, I'm not I yeah, I have a professional coaching uh site and things like that, but um but yeah, I don't uh right now I mean I use that, but if you if you're interested, it's Eric the culture coach, a bunch of underscores. But AEC65 is really the easiest way to yeah. That's that's the best that's what I'm most active on. That's where I see you the most on Instagram. Yeah, that's what I'm most active on. Because I'm I'm just creating it, yeah. So I'm happy to engage.

SPEAKER_02: 52:55

So the last question that I have for you, I was going to ask you how living authentically increased joy in life, but I feel like we've kind of covered that. So instead, because this is a a joy-based podcast, I'm gonna ask you directly on a personal level where do you find joy in your life?

SPEAKER_00: 53:20

That's good. Um, I have to choose here. Hold on, let me think. I mean, there's nothing like a great blueberry lemon scone, but that's not what we're talking about. Um I find joy in inspiring and encouraging others to see the possibilities that exist within them, and that's in the world all around us. Like to, yeah, I mean, I I feel so connected to that, that ability to inspire and encourage others. Um, Tom Cruise said it best, and Jerry McGuire, we live in a cynical, cynical world. And we do. And just don't turn on your news, but take my word for it, it's all around us and it's not hard to find. But yeah, inspiring others to see their possibilities is, I mean, it just makes me hum and buzz.

SPEAKER_02: 54:17

And you are so good at it, my friend. I thank you. I contacted with Eric immediately when I met him and just always, always enjoy having conversations with you because I always walk away with some little nugget of wisdom that I can take into my life. And so I really appreciate you being here today.

SPEAKER_00: 54:34

Thank you. Thank you for the platform, thank you for what you're doing. And um I I don't know how much you've said or told, but um I just congratulations on your next adventure.

SPEAKER_02: 54:45

Oh, thank you. Thank you. Yeah, I've I've kind of announced that already. We'll see where it's at by the time that this this airs, but I am moving to the beach. That's my initial. And I don't know exactly what the timeline's gonna be on that. I'm trying to get my ready right now.

SPEAKER_00: 55:02

That's fantastic.

SPEAKER_02: 55:03

But anyway, well, thank you for being here today, Eric. And everybody go check out Eric on Instagram and Facebook. You won't regret it. He's just the nicest person, as you can tell from this podcast with so much wisdom to share. What are you doing, everybody. Thank you for joining me today on the Joy Felicity Podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, please like and share, and come follow me on all major social media sites at JoyFelicity or on my website, joyfelicity.com. You can follow the link in the description for this episode to all of the places that we can connect. Have a great day, everybody, and remember dare to dream, plan to play, live to learn.