The Joyfulicity Podcast
Let's face it - in a world full of pain and troubles, couldn't we all use a little (or a lot) more joy? But how do we find it, keep it and share it? We'll dig in on that and explore it together here, on the Joyfulicity podcast. What is Joyfulicity? It's my made-up word for the art of living happy. I'm your host Laura Wakefield, a single mother of 9, certified midlife discovery life coach, writer, travel host and yoga and beach lover. Dedicated to helping others discover and maintain greater peace and personal empowerment. Dare to Dream - Plan to Play - Live to Learn. Here's to living life with a smile.
The Joyfulicity Podcast
Feeling Like Your Own Weakest Link
Do you ever feel like YOU are the weakest link in your very own life? Do you love yourself enough to make some changes?
Have you ever felt like you yourself are the weakest link in your very own life? Welcome to the Joy fulicity Podcast. I'm your host, Laura Wakefield.
Laura Wakefield:Do you ever wake up in the morning in just kind of a funk, where you just don't feel it today? You just don't want to do it. You know, that's perfectly normal. We all have days like that. The problem is when we feel that way most of the time. At that point in time, it's time to ask ourselves some questions about the way that we're living our life and some thought habits and patterns that we have found ourselves in. I mean, we know, right? Usually, objectively, people understand that they're smart, that they're talented, that they have all the building blocks in place to build a fantastic life. We count our blessings. We do all those things. And we know that that life that we want is just right there. And we'll do really, really great. We'll commit ourselves. Maybe in January, we'll have our resolutions or Monday morning is kind of a big thing for everybody. This week's going to be different. And maybe we'll do great for a week or a day or two or an hour or two, or sometimes even for several months. We'll just really dig in and do fantastic. But before you know it, we kind of start getting back in our very own way. I'm not talking about the times that external things come in. I'm talking about the times that we ourselves get in the way of our very own progress.
Laura Wakefield:Sometimes it might be because of some really bad habits or even addictions that we've picked up along the way to substances, to our phones, that's a really big one, to drama and negative thinking. Yes, yes, those can also be addictive. And we'll get ourselves out of that for a little while, but it just creeps back in. And we feel sometimes powerless to control that. It feels like that addiction or habit just has such a grip on us that we can't possibly overcome it. We don't have any willpower, we tell ourselves. Or it can just be negative ways of thinking. Maybe things that we were modeled in our childhood by our parents, or we've surrounded ourselves with people who look at life and think in certain ways, and they don't always have to be super, super negative. Sometimes they can just be limiting beliefs that people truly mean well when they say them. But they aren't serving us. And we've surrounded ourselves with a tribe of people who continually put that message into our mind. And so deep down in our psyche, even if intellectually we don't believe it, deep down in our psyche, sometimes we do. And those kinds of monsters can crop up when we least expect them.
Laura Wakefield:Sometimes it can be that we've dug ourselves into a life that's just not for us, and we literally just don't know how to get out of it. And so we try to start making little small changes, but the overarching picture of our life feels like it's preventing us from going any further than that. And sometimes, honestly, we're just scared. That's often the case for me when I find myself unable to achieve something that I want to so badly that I know I'm capable of. We have to be honest with ourselves sometimes about whether or not the goals that we're wanting are really achievable and are really even what we would want if we got what we think we want. But when we know that they are and we know that we do, And we just still fall into these funk days. What's going on there? This is usually when people reach out to life coaches, for instance, when they just can't get past this invisible barrier that they don't completely understand. Today, I want to talk about how to push yourself forward when you find yourself in these situations. And again, in specific situations, there would be more specific guidance that would be important to give, you know, based on somebody's personal details. But these are just some general thoughts regarding those limiting self thoughts, limiting self behaviors that we tend to have, because I have them too. I have them too. My little ghosts that kind of reside in the back of my brain and in the back of my my body, so to speak, that just pop up at the most inconvenient times. And I feel like I'm battling the same monsters over and over and over again. And I just wish I had some sort of, you know, magical weapon to defeat them once and for all. But the truth is, it doesn't always take something huge. Sometimes the answers are right in front of our face in the basics that we already know to be true.
Laura Wakefield:I say that to people often. When they ask me a question about their life and their problem, I'll say, if you really think about this, like really stop. With complete, total transparency and honesty within yourself, you already know the answer. A good example of this comes to health and nutrition and exercise and weight loss and all of those kinds of physical things. So often we read every book in the library trying to find the magic answer, or we visit every doctor looking for that magic pill that's going to help us achieve those things, when really, truly, if you really are honest with yourself, you already know the answer. Jillian Michaels, who is quite famous actually in the fitness community, I saw her one time live in a stage performance and she stopped and she said, you know, I make a lot of money coaching and teaching people about weight loss, but really every one of you knows that the answer is eat less, move more. It's really that simple, but we try to make it into this big, huge thing that feels overwhelming and we get caught up in the details and we forget that at the core, that's really the basic. And that's really not that hard to do if we can eliminate all the other noise in our mind that gets us feeling overwhelmed. And sometimes we cling to that noise to provide internal excuses for ourselves. If we can go down the rabbit hole in this other direction, then we don't have to fully confront the truth, that the answer is so basic and so obvious and right in front of our eyes.
Laura Wakefield:What it really comes down to, ultimately, do you love yourself enough to to take good care of yourself and to support yourself the way that you would someone else that you love. Think about all the things that we do for our partners and for our children and for the community and for our coworkers to support them and build them up and help them to succeed and to teach them and guide them. Are we doing that for our own selves? Or are we sending super negative messages to ourselves every day? You stink at this. Every time you make a mistake, ah, see, I knew you couldn't do it. Most of the negative messages that we hear in our lives are going to come from right inside our own minds. If you think about it, you know that's true. Do you love yourself enough to give yourself the same grace and support that you would give, say, your child? Someone that you love and want to nurture and take care of.
Laura Wakefield:It starts first with the body. Are you taking care of your body? And I'm talking about the super basic stuff. You don't need to read everything. whole lot of technical books about this. You can, if you enjoy that sort of thing, you can watch YouTubes, you can do all of that, but it's not necessary. You already know the basic answers. Drink more water, eat healthy food, move your body, you know, exercise. It feels really, really good when you do it, unless you haven't done it for a while and your habits are kicking in telling you that it's going to feel awful. You tell yourself that enough and guess what? It's going to feel awful. And if it is feeling awful, do something different. You don't have to do the workout program that somebody else is doing. And that's the problem with getting away from the basics is that sometimes we end up doing things that really aren't for us. For exercise, I like to dance and I like to hike. I like to do yoga a little bit. I'm not very good at it, but I enjoy it. And that's what matters. And so when I do those things, it actually feels really good to my body. Sometimes for the first couple of minutes, I'm having to overcome those bad habits and those negative mindsets. Oh, this stinks. I don't want to do it, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But once you get into it, you get in the swing of it and it feels pretty good and you always feel better afterwards. Don't you? So how about instead of feeding our minds with those negative thoughts in the beginning, we tell ourselves, hey, I get to get up and I get to move my body today and see what a difference that makes, that one simple change. I love myself enough to feed it healthy food, to get enough sleep, to eat right, to move my body, to meditate, to watch my breathing, all of those super basic things that honestly everybody already knows. But we want to fight against that. Oh, my situation's different. You don't understand how busy I am. I do this to myself all the time. I know, but I'm a single mom of nine and I work hard. So, you know, nobody has it as hard as me, right? I mean, we do this inside our mind. You just don't understand, Laura. You don't get how busy I am. You don't understand that my husband doesn't support me or my kids are so demanding. It's not about any of that, really. It's really about do you love you enough? to provide those opportunities for yourself, no matter if anybody else is supporting you or not. Get up a little earlier if you need to, to carve out the time for that weight loss. Take over the grocery shopping. If somebody else is bringing in all kinds of junk food, have a heart-to-heart talk with them about what you're trying to do and why. If somebody truly will not support you when you are asking for their support, it might be time to distance yourself from that person or find some workarounds and ways that you can carry on without their support. You don't need the support of everyone around you to start making positive changes. And you don't have to go out on sort of a mission to make everybody else change with you. That will kind of repel people in your life. They're used to you a certain way. And it'll be unsettling for them at first if you start rocking the boat and making a bunch of changes. So just make them privately within yourself and let them watch what happens to you. They'll get on board when they start to see the changes in you and may even come to you and ask you if they can join you in this journey and ask for your advice.
Laura Wakefield:Do you love and respect yourself enough to take care of your mental health? If you're battling deep-seated issues from your childhood or from abuse that you have endured, serious stuff that's causing depression down inside and really weighing you down, it might be time for you to make an appointment to go see a mental health professional. You can't control everything that happened to you in your life, but you do have the power to take control of it now. And sometimes it might mean that you need professional help in order to do that. And there is no, and I repeat, absolutely no shame in doing that. You should, as a person that loves yourself, seek out help anywhere and everywhere that's needed to live your best life and feel happy throughout the day. It might be hard work. Now, I'm not saying that these workout programs or these mental health shifts are going to be easy and all roses. It doesn't work like that. But the overall effect of taking care of yourself, body and mind will bring you more peace in your life than if you run away from it and don't address it.
Laura Wakefield:Do you love and respect yourself enough to take care of your spiritual health? And I'm not going to define what that should mean for you. That's going to mean different things for everyone. I do believe in God and I pray to God every day. I'm not a churchgoer. I don't attend any churches, but I am quite a spiritual person and I pray to God. But for some people, that's going to look very different. Maybe you are involved in a congregation at church that means the world to you and a particular religion that you believe deeply down in your soul. Maybe you're not religious at all. Maybe you consider yourself an atheist, but you find spiritual nourishment out in nature or in other ways in your life. Every person will walk their own personal spiritual journey. But what's important is that you walk it. Because we all do have a spiritual side to our nature, whatever our belief system might be. And it is a vibrant part of us, or should be, in the overall health of a person. So seek out spirituality in whatever form resonates with you. It's important. Like I said, some will find it in a church building. Some will find it sitting by a lake watching the birds flying over the water. And some will find it in many, many, many places. But what's important is that that internal spiritual side of yourself has time dedicated to nurturing and growing it.
Laura Wakefield:Do you love yourself enough to give yourself that time? Generally speaking, when we find ourselves on those days when we just don't want to do it or our bad habits are cropping up over and over and over, do you love yourself enough to give yourself some grace for that? Forgive yourself. Do not beat yourself up because sometimes for me, that's the worst part of it. I'll dive into whatever I'm trying to improve at the time and inevitably, because it always happens, I'll mess up one day I won't do it perfectly. That idea of perfection is very damaging. So when I don't do it perfectly maybe I slip into a bad habit that I was trying to overcome and I'm really upset with myself about it that's frustrating. It is, but what's important is that we don't then use that as a sledgehammer to beat ourselves over the head with. You stink. I knew you couldn't do it. I don't have any willpower, the things I was saying in the beginning of this podcast. We will start to beat ourselves down, and then you're laying there kind of bruised and broken emotionally. That is a much harder place to stand back up from than if we simply just shook it off and moved on. Okay, I kind of messed that up and be super honest with yourself. It's not about self-denial. It's very important to always be very, very honest because deep down in your psyche, you know the truth, whether you're admitting it to yourself on the surface or not, you do know the truth and you know when you are lying to yourself. So if we slip and maybe don't do as well one day as we wish that we had, maybe we blow the plan altogether. We don't do well at work. We don't do well with our kids. We got snappy with them about this or that. We overslept. Just, you know, those days where you stub your toe in the morning and the whole day just spirals downward from that. You can get to the end of those days feeling pretty discouraged. Those days are some of the most important ones. Those are the days when your body, mind, and spirit needs self-care and self-love the most. If one of your kids tripped and fell, you wouldn't turn to them and say, you're so clumsy. What's the matter with you? You'll never walk right. You just wouldn't do that. You'd say, it's okay. It's okay. Come on. Step back up. It's all right. We got this. You'll do better next time. We would encourage them to keep moving. And we wouldn't shame them as a total person. It was just a mistake. It was just a setback. So evaluate it, figure out, hey, I wonder why that went wrong. Which part of my self-care was I neglecting? Because almost always I'll find on those days that there's something that started it. Before I really slid downwards, there was a few small steps in that direction where I neglected my self-care. Have I been doing my meditation? Well, maybe not too consistently. Did I exercise this morning? Well, no, because I was running late and I ran out the door. So take a minute to evaluate and figure out kind of what you did and then literally just offer yourself forgiveness for your weaknesses. We all have them. It's not a crime to have weaknesses and to make mistakes as a human being. You're not a robot. You're a person and no matter how fabulous you are, you still are going to make mistakes. The most amazing person in the world, the most talented, gifted, wealthy, famous person, Beyonce, say somebody that's just a complete star that she has flaws too. I don't know what they are. I don't know Beyonce personally, but I promise you as a human being that she has them. And there's probably days where she, Beyonce, feels discouraged and feels a little bit like maybe she's not good at that or maybe insecure. Even those people have those days. So why would we beat ourselves up when we have them? The best thing we can do is just like we do for our kids, just pick ourselves back up, start again the next day. Just start over. Every day, if you need to, just keep starting over. And over time, we will get better. And we're going to go through cycles, up and down, around and around. It's just how life goes. And it's okay. It doesn't mean you're not living a successful life because you didn't have a successful day. It's just a day. It's really just a day or an hour or a minute.
Laura Wakefield:Another thing that you can do is just reset, because sometimes we're going along and we're doing fine and then those intrusive thoughts come in. Those doubts and those fears and those temptations and all those intrusive thoughts. You know how they are. They're like little devils on your shoulder just poking at you during the day to where you just, you know, feel yourself, the stress mounting and you feel like you can't move forward. It's time for a reset. And it can be very simple. When you're having those slumps in the middle of the day, just stop. Because if you keep trying to work through them, sometimes it's going to get worse. Just pushing yourself when you're feeling like that, it's going to get worse. A reset sometimes is in order. And it can be very quick and simple. Just a couple of minutes to stop what you're doing. Find a window and look outside or walk outside if you can. But even if you're just kind of stuck at your desk at work, stop. Look outside. Take five deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. Reach your hands up as high as you possibly can. Just give yourself a really good stretch. Stand up if you can. If you can't, just sit there at your desk. Place your hands back in your lap and think about three things that went right today. Or just three things that you're grateful for or that you're looking forward to. Three positive things. And you'll feel so much better so quickly. It's kind of amazing.
Laura Wakefield:Oh, and also take a second, like maybe once an hour to check your body. I've started paying attention to this and I've noticed that I'll stop to do my sort of attention check and I'll realize that my brows are furrowed and my jaw is clenched and my shoulders are hunched up and it's subconscious. I didn't even realize that I was doing it. But that stress that we carry in our body actually translates in our minds to the fact that we are under stress and it becomes kind of a chicken and egg thing. Which came first, the stress or the body language? But either one that you address can affect the other one. So unclench your jaw, drop your shoulders, and kind of take that furrow out of your brow. And it will be amazing how much better you feel immediately after doing these things. Don't let a bad day get you down. You can always start again tomorrow. Thank you for joining me today on The Joy fulicity Podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, please like and share and come follow me on all major social media sites at Joy fulicity or on my website, joyfulicity.com. You can follow the link in the description for this episode to all of the places that we can connect. Have a great day, everybody. And remember, dare to dream, plan to play, live to learn.
