Three Simple Secrets to Greater Happiness

Happiness! We all want a little more of it in our lives, right? But why is holding onto it so hard? Well...because life is difficult. That will almost always be true, but we can still take some simple steps and retrain some habits to help make "happy" our default far more often. 

Transcript

Laura Wakefield: 0:09

The secret to happiness is complicated, right? And elusive. Not necessarily. Welcome to the Joyfulicity Podcast. I'm your host, Laura Wakefield.

Laura Wakefield: 0:26

Happiness. Almost everyone would like more of it in their life, but sometimes it can seem so elusive, can't it? We might have a few good days, but then something bad happens that kills our vibe. Weekends are fun. But inevitably, Monday morning rolls around and we have to go back to work. Turning on the news and being confronted with the endless turmoil and strife in the world currently, it's enough to stamp the happy right out of a person. Thankfully, there are three fairly simple secrets to increasing and sustaining your happiness level, regardless of your circumstances. They're completely free and easy to implement. All that's required is a willingness to make some subtle, yet profound, shifts in mindset and habit patterns.

Laura Wakefield: 1:10

Number one, pay attention and notice the positive. For many years, I used a tagline on my social media pages that read, life is full of magic and wonder if you take the time to notice it. And I still believe this now. Every single day, all around you, there are so many things to smile about. Sometimes they're big, like a new romance, or a promotion at work, or graduating from college. But the majority of the happy makers are actually quite small and simple things. So common, in fact, that we can stop noticing them altogether if we're not careful. For instance, there are clouds and sunsets and stars in the sky that we see all the time. But how often do you pause to really look at them and take in how truly magnificent they are? While rushing through your daily routine, do you even feel the warmth of the sun on your skin or hear the birds singing anymore? What about the sounds of your children laughing? When they're grown one day, you will miss hearing that, believe me. But are you fully experiencing the joy of it right now in the present while you still have it? Do you stop and play when they ask you to? Ordinary things, too, like petting the dog, walking in the rain, the loveliness of a sunflower. the night music of the crickets, a song on the radio that makes you feel like dancing. Next time it comes on, will you actually dance around for a minute? It will feel so great, I promise. Your kids might be embarrassed, but do it anyway. I know, I know, there are problems and issues everywhere. We can't just ignore them while stopping to smell the roses, right? That's true, although most of attitude is not actually about circumstances, but it's rather how we choose to show up for them. Along the busy road to success and while slaying the necessary dragons of our lives, quit multitasking every now and then and raise your head. Open your heart. Just breathe. Notice and remember the beautiful. It's all around you, right there for the taking, and it's waiting to bless you. Let the happy in.

Laura Wakefield: 3:26

Second, express gratitude freely and often. I wouldn't want to eat turkey and stuffing every single night, but other than that, I think Thanksgiving should be celebrated 365 days a year. There's something about the open declaration of gratitude for our blessings that makes them feel more tangible, more meaningful. Gratitude and happiness go hand in hand, so when you consciously foster a thankfulness mindset, your percentage of happy thoughts and feelings will shoot way up as well. Pain has a way of capturing our full attention immediately. If you break your arm, you'll not likely be thinking much about all of the other bones in your body that are not broken at that moment. You'll be intensely fixated on the one that is causing discomfort. It's the same with things that make us feel angry or sad. We don't have to make any effort to give those things our primary focus. They reach out and take it, and then hold on to it fiercely. So in order to maintain a spirit of gratitude, we need to make a firm decision to override that natural human response and direct our minds toward good fortunes on purpose. I would suggest forming a ritual or habit that directs you toward the positive daily. Perhaps during your morning prayers or meditations, you could ponder on the wonders of nature. Or in your journal entry each evening, create a section of things that went right that day. This not only helps you to recall the good amidst the bad, but the more regularly that you do this, you'll find that you're increasingly aware of things during the day that you could include. What you focus on expands, and you notice more of it.

Laura Wakefield: 5:12

Third, do more, and do less. Think for a minute about the last time you were truly contented. I mean like had a good belly laugh or felt inspiration flowing through you and didn't want a particular moment to end. When you experienced those times of pure bliss, where were you? What activities were you doing? Who were you with, if anyone? For various reasons, it's not always possible to totally recreate happy times we've had exactly. But the point is to get your mind focused on what you've most enjoyed before so you can do more of it again. Sounds so basic, right? For some, it could be early morning fishing alone on a secluded river with only the sounds of the frogs for the company. For others, it's a night out on the town partying with friends. It could be knitting or sports or music or volunteering that lights you up and holds your interest. For me, it's travel, hiking, time with family and friends, home improvement projects, reading, writing, and puttering in my garden. Water has also been a healing element for me, so the beach or even a decorative fountain can bring me to a place of peace. Sometimes we may become so disconnected from our inner selves that we don't even know what hobbies would be fun for us anymore. Not to worry. Just start today by affirming to yourself that you are worthy and deserving of enjoyment. There are so many have-to items on our daily list, it's important to put some get-to, recreation and restoration on the schedule as well. Also, keeping plans you're excited about on the calendar out ahead at all times gives you something to always be looking forward to. The anticipation can be almost as energizing as the actual activity. This seems like such an obvious concept to figure out what makes you smile and then do more of it, but people often resist it internally, thinking it's too expensive or frivolous or even selfish to spend too much time on merriment when there's so much important work to be done. Stop it. Just stop. If money's tight, find inexpensive versions of your favorite things. They're out there. And as for selfish, please hear me on this. It's not. Your sour mood and your bright smile are both contagious to others. So which would you like to infect the people in your life with? Which memory do you care to leave behind you for others when you exit a room or depart this earth someday? Let that sink in for a minute.

Laura Wakefield: 7:53

On the flip side of this coin, it's equally critical when seeking greater happiness to do less of the things that bring you anger, despair, and anxiety. We can't eliminate everything unpleasant, to be sure. There's some drudgery, monotony, and irritation that is just part of life and should be dealt with as patiently as possible. Many things are beyond our control as well, but much of our sorrow is of our own making. We have more power to control our own destinies than we allow ourselves to believe. Take stock of the top sources of frustration and discomfort in your life and make changes where needed. If a relationship or job or circumstance is bringing more pain than joy, it may be time to eliminate, limit, or actively address and alter it. That may not be as easy as it sounds, but consider this. It may not turn out to be as difficult as you think it will be either. You'll never know until you try, so don't allow fear of failure or inadequacy to keep you from reaching higher, and never just accept misery as the way that it is. It really doesn't have to be. I'm not suggesting, of course, that you walk through life with rose-colored glasses on or pretend to be happy when you're not. Taking these steps does not mean that bad things will never happen to you. or that there won't still be times when you cry. There will probably always be hard days and heartbreaks and injustices to deal with. Challenges will come, and sometimes powerful and decisive actions might need to be taken, in addition to thinking positive thoughts. But the simple concepts I've talked about today can help you create a personal center that is based on happiness, kind of like your own little inner eye of the storm. So troubles may be raging around you, but you have a foundation of peace that remains for you to stand on. When you fall into a slump, these simple principles can help you get back up faster. They're tools you can use to reset your mood and outlook anytime and in any place. It only takes a moment or two to stop, take a breath, notice something beautiful or wonderful, pour thanks out into the universe for its gifts, and decide on what enjoyable thing you'll do next and when, and then just keep moving forward. Repeat as often as necessary.

Laura Wakefield: 10:20

Thank you so much for joining me today on the Joyfulicity Podcast. And remember, dare to dream, plan to play, and live to learn.